January 31, 2007

JetBlue throws mile high SuperBowl kegger

jetblue.jpgAirlines want to take advantage of you. And not in the usual bend-over-and-hand-me-your-money way. Like any responsible date, they prefer to get you trashed before sweet talking you. As such, JetBlue is scheduled to offer free beer, cocktails, and 'munchies' on SuperBowl Sunday for any unfortunate (or fortunate) passengers stuck in the air during game-time. DIRECTV has also agreed to whisper sweet nothings into your ear by letting you see the game from 35k feet in the air. While this might be a great success in JetBlue putting forth the effort to cater to their customers, just hope more so than usual that there's no babies on the flight packed with dozens of testosterone-saturated, yelling men.

Freaks out game geeks for PS3

kctv.jpgAs Playstation 3 gears up for its March 23 UK launch, others fill the anticipation with awkwardness. As if out of some emo-rave-circa-1997 rendition of Hairspray, the geeks over at Sony tapped into a PS3-inspired fashion show in East London. The spectacle is apparently expected to be individually blogged about by the 120 attendees. Joystiq compares this hipster clusterfuck to Sony's 'All I Want for Xmas is a PSP' fake-blog-fuck-up, based on the pretty-much-forced Word Of Mouth strategy. Just be glad that they owned up to it - like K-Fed working in fast food for a commercial, at least Sony isn't the only fake soul pictured in the set.

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As I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?

Spoofing is much sweeter when there's no brand. Just pure, unadulterated filth between you and your YouTube. This recently uploaded, yet outdatedly created spot for Fight Club (read: Fuck Club (read: F%@! Club for virgin eyes and/or affinities toward l33t speak) explores the queer underpinnings of Tyler Durton. While this provides a nice refresher between Wii and Apple and PC spoofing overloads, it still puts us as the office chumps if we try and ask if anyone caught that new old Fight Club spoof. Crying over YouTube not existing when your little movie came out doesn't make us pity you.

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Alarm clocks file for domestic abuse

clocky.jpgBruised and battered, alarm clocks now equip themselves for morning intolerance. Clocky, the mobilized noisy friend, isn't able to dial 9-1-1 when you go on your 6am tirades, but he is at least able to run away like a handicrapped Honda Asimo. Specifically programmed to run and hide when you don't awake from your beauty sleep or Monday-night-hangover, Clocky will increasingly "misbehave" before you decide to down another bottle of NyQuil. Currently available for the cost of $49 and your cheeriness.


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January 30, 2007

New report says men are faking it

o-face.jpgWomen are continually tagged with faking orgasms, but recent insight reveals that men may actually be the ones on the losing end of the equation. Apparently, women give out a lot more than just moans and backside "battle wounds".

Theta waves or rhythms are typically measured to reflect the part of the brain that processes incoming signals.

"When an orgasm has been achieved through sex, you can measure theta waves. These are also said to cause the "running high" feeling of euphoria experienced sometimes by marathon runners. If theta waves are taken as a criterion, the entire brain emits theta waves when women reach an orgasm that are close on 10 times stronger than when men climax. So, if theta waves are an indication of an orgasm's strength, then women experience an orgasm that is physically impossible for men to go through. Putting it a little crudely, if the intensity of a woman's orgasm was played through a man's brain, there's a danger that the shock to his system would kill him."

Deadly, perhaps, but we also we're born to tempt as well as kill...

"There is a very strong correlation between nerve transmitters called dopamine and pleasure. ... There also appears to be a link between this and a woman's tendency to become prettier when she falls in love."


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New Orleans drowns out sorrows

nolaad.jpgA spoonful of advertising makes the medicine go down for New Orleans tourism. Ready to disspell the rumors to those folks up north, the New Orleans tourism officials loosened up a little. The new campaign coincides with the upcoming Mardi Gras. Unfortunately, New Orleans isn't as loose as Las Vegas, so alas, there'll be no cute tittie puns. But "The only hard part about moving back" would still make for a great poster.

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Durex aims for the gag reflex

31_pics.jpgApparently not in the market for "ultra sensitive for her pleasure" condoms, Durex appears on this ad for XXL condoms. While it could be streteched as a public annoucement for women so enamored by size that they forget to practice safe sex, it's probably safer for us to assume they were going for a different conclusion. The ad definitely gets its point across, as it's a hard one to swallow, no less, take in. While swallowing is always a nice gesture, couldn't help but spit this one back out for all of you to see.

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Burger King wants to play for keeps

bk3.preview.jpgAside from your soul, Burger King wants to keep you as a lifelong buddy, right until the end. An ad by .start ironically captures the iconic unintentional "truth" in advertising by letting the Marlboro man have just one more, "for old time's sake". Surprisingly, this is one piece of creative The King did not touch. Otherwise, we might be forced to bring back the cowboy innuendos from last year, and everyone needs that as much as they need to cram another whopper down their throat. Perhaps chicken fries will make an appearance for the menthol campaign.

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Forgiveness for the pantone whores

sbm_spring07.jpgYou know who you are. Luckily, SoftBank Mobile is letting you confess your sins. The new line of 3G mobile phones allows users to choose from 20 different pantone hues out of the 812SH Pantone series. No telling how much these spot colors and metallic pantones go for, but one can only hope they're not as shocking as your recent bill from the printer. Don't #FFFF00 your pants yet, though. Currently this line is only available in Japan. Makes you want to throw your bottle halftone dots at somebody, doesn't it?

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January 29, 2007

Bored blogger bares (almost) all

371614435_9e3e3bf21a.jpgWhile us ladies are known to self-portrait strip tease for ourselves in the privacy of our own home and boredom (you only need to look at the photo I have up to come to your own conclusion), we usually keep them safe and sound on our harddrives. Wanting to share her boredom with the blogosphere, however, Violet Blue documents her favorite panties to help relieve some stress. Also appearing in the pictures is her "blogger" tattoo which I'd love to know the backstory behind that one (also, what is with sex columnists photographing themselves with cupcakes?). With cute shoes, cute shots, cute panties (and a cute tush to match!), Violet takes care of our boredom as well.

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Food porn no longer for softcore sissies

If you've ever ventured around the blogosphere to any of the food sites, you wouldn't be surprised if they ended their recipes with a splooge frosting for extra taste and texture. With so much food porn floating around, you'd expect to get a little rough every now and again. On the contrary though, as most of the blog-foodies keep it clean like a TBS-version of Sex and the City. CMM News, however, points to a food porn advert that isn't scared to treat you like the dirty martini whore you are. He says it's NSFW, but I say fuck that.

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Geek fantasies entertained

bill-vs-hodgeman-1.jpgUnsure if the boys over at Engadget will get blue balls over this evening's scheduled Daily Show event, but you can expect to hear about it if they do (doubtful considering how easily excitable they are). Bill Gates is notched in to make an appearance on Comedy Central's The Daily Show with Jon Stewart tonight. The agenda so far is simply to chat about Windows Vista, but Peter Rojas is daydreaming anyway:

"[There is] the tantalizing prospect of him finally coming face to face with John Hodgman (AKA "PC" from those "Mac vs. PC" ads) ... we'll be filling the next 35 hours or so with plenty of geek fantasies about what could potentially be some hot PC vs. PC action."

Oh Peter, we all know you'll be filling more than just time Monday night. Just be sure to clean off the latest keyboard they sent you before taking the Engadget-product-shot.

Sex out sells Starbucks

coffeegirl.jpgOtherwise intimidated by the massively hard sell that comes with playing with 'the big boys', Seattle coffee shops are grabbing the competition by the balls. Being pinned down as "sexpresso", local ladies are letting snooze buttons everywhere go untouched. From lacey lingerie and short skirts to hot pink hot pants, there's no reason not to get both of your addictions out of the way early. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, afterall. The barista babes seem to receive pleasure as well, seeing that their customers come with smiles and anticipation, and suddenly seem less bothered when it takes longer than usual to make their morning mocha.

"Customers pull their trucks up to the window, where Law greets each with an affectionate nickname, blows kisses, and vamps about as she steams milk for a mocha. "You want whipped cream?" she asks, a sly smile playing on her pierced lip. The next customer rolls up, and Law throws a long leg onto the window sill, like an indie-rock ballerina at the barre. "Do you like my leg warmers?" she asks. "Aren't they hot?"

Hot is not the half of it."

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Gaming in the dark ages

Perhaps developed over the numerous power outages caused by ice storms this winter, someone got a little creative with the leftover tea lights. Bringing back the classics, this stop-motion video uses a grid of candles to shed light on Pong, Pacman, Tetris and others. A romantic candlelit console for two.

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Techie teddy bear, a man's best wingman

1-28-07-echo_bear.jpgEcho Robotics unveiled its latest prototype in social interaction the other day. The prototype consists of a Bluetooth-enabled teddy bear that interacts with other techie teddies to alert you when you're around someone with similar interests as yours. For some, the robot-dancing, cuddly bear may be a godsend for those lacking a wingman. However, unless you want to look like a blanket-dragging Linus, the techie teddy may be a bit more difficult to explain to a new date than the expected drunken text messages.

January 27, 2007

Sight for the week's end

butter.jpg"Now should you take the shocked or the angry tone when reading this?"

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January 26, 2007

Blogebrities, they're just like us!

web_13.jpgMoreso, just like celebrities. Forbes published their list of Web Celeb 25 - the top 25 interwebbies that encapsulate the "biggest, brightest and most influential people on the Internet". The list starts out with LonelyGirl15 and trails down through bloggers, bloggers, and more bloggers. Considering LonelyGirl15 was just a one-off viral effort of sorts, you have to wonder if they notched her as #1 to avoid the wrath of the bitchy bloggers and anonymous commenters.

Using their blogs as their acceptance award stage, the blogebrities seem to stay right on cue with Hollywood. While some are thanking the academy and you can already begin to hear the music play before you reach the end of their post, others go the way of Fiona Apple and others, taking the stage time to criticize the world, leaving the audience with that awkward, "should we clap for this...?" moment.

Engadget is against debugging

ant111111.jpgCease and desist letters to bloggers provide the little things in life that make us smile. Most recently, Engadget received a C&D letter for (mis?)using the term "ant farm" in a post they made about a belt-clip sized ant farm (oops!) gadget for kids. The letter reads:

"Our company, Uncle Milton Industries, Inc. is the owner of the registered trademark, "Ant Farm(R)" for our brand of ant habitat products. The phrase is not generic. We note the use of our trademark to describe a competitor's product in your website page noted above, as well as in the "Antquarium" page referenced on your site. We request that you delete the phrase "ant farm" and substitute it with a generic phrase, such as "ant habitat."

Aw, don't PR people say the darndest things? Let me think about that one while I have a Kodak moment caught on FujiFilm of "LOL"-ing so hard I pissed myself (LOLAPM!!1!1!). Needless to say, Engadget has refused to 'debug' their post but thanks Steve for playing.

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Perverts have more than just time on their hands

lolafter.jpgThe pervy yet lovable AdRants points to an antique in middle school humor. Sneaking away to their refrigerators, adolescents used to be more creative to satiate their desperation.

"Apparently way back in the 30's, the designer of the [Land O Lakes] packaging, Jess Betlach thought he'd have some fun by adding the visual hint or female aureola/nipple to the Indian woman's knees. The knees, you ask? Well, according the Where's My Jetpack, thousands of boys would cut the knees off, cut a whole where the Indian woman is holding the product and insert the image of the knees thus creating the illusion of an Indian woman holding her bare breasts."

Boys got knee-cap boobies and we only got Fabio? Ladies, we were chumped. Boys everywhere should be appreciative to now live in a time where MySpace provides all the creativity and 'imagination' for you.

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January 25, 2007

Consumer Generated Media 2.0: users create context

context.jpgWe may currently be within the Web 2.0 landscape, but the advertising that frames it up is still reminiscent of a 1.0 era. Contextual advertising remains infamous for not receiving enough human touch. Consumer Generated Media, as adverters would like to define it, continues to assume that the 'consumer' wants to actively create propaganda for a brand when it's not an organic/natural occurence. MySpace, which has millions of active users and even more ads, has yet to utilize the potential of a user-chosen advertising system. Contextual and CGM advertising seem to be on the edge of easily becoming a 2.0 platform in which users are able to create their own context (as they already do), including the leaderboards and skyscrapers that frame it up.

Flip.com is taking the step forward and letting teen girls have control over its advertising:

"The intriguing aspect here is the control users will have over the ads and the form some ads will take. Girls will be able to decide which brands they see for the traditional ads. There’s also a kind of DIY product placement fitting in with the notion of “Flip books”; as the users create their books they’ll have access to items like Nordstrom-supplied images of models that aren’t visibly from the store unless clicked. Clean & Clear will provide logo-and-product-less word icons. Users will be able to write what they think about the products in their books. That user control and influence makes it attractive".

Obviously, many paying advertisers may be quick to object to the CGM 2.0 platform, but the more it becomes accepted, the more it may challenge advertising to a new understanding of Web 2.0. There is a large online audience of people who won't create a Chevy Tahoe ad, but also hate that the most annoying, flashy banners for mortgages get put on their MySpace pages. There's also advertisers who would pay much more for being placed in a social network that is actually relevant by choice, rather than by keywords. So, while Word Of Mouth remains the number one source behind the majority of purchase decisions, why not create advertising that truly begins to leverage it?

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Salon helps post-weeknight-hookup hangovers

831_mainimage1.jpgYou may still have the same clothes on from the day before, but a new quickie shop aims to at least make your post-weeknight-hookup a little more easy on the eyes for your coworkers. BlowDry Bar is a three-station pod that offers hair styling from previous and current fashion eras. Created by a father and son duo, the hybrid barber shop is currently in London with plans to duplicate in New York. The beehive hairdo may not be flattering, but at least it'll divert attention away from the smeared eyeliner and run in your 'hose.

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Broken hearts over broken images

borkenlink.jpgIn rare nooks and cranies inbetween the advertising clusterfuck that is urbanism, there exist tranquil moments of image decay. Distraught and broken hearted over the interruption of their otherwise culture polluted street sides, two ephemeral artists have done a bit of cut'n'paste action from online to offline. Broken Link takes the familiar broken image icon to a physical setting. Smirks of passersby alert to those who partake in this inside joke known as the interweb.

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Kate Spade reveals latest intellichic campaign

04_ad.jpgKnown for her design, Kate Spade reveals sneak peeks behind the curtains of her composition. Giving a selection of photos from her Spring 2006 collection, she also offers a "behind the scenes" gallery with the pre-silicon production value. The retro-hipness of it all may just make you want to bake cupcakes after a day of shoe shopping and hitchhiking. How bohemian-hipster (...bohepster?) of you.

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January 24, 2007

Pillow fight for your right

pillowfight.jpgViolet Blue points us to the ladies of the Pillow Fight League. Fluffed and feathered, the most ruthless pillow fighting chicks gear up for national tryouts. Having made two stops in Brooklyn, with their next tryout scheduled to be at the upcoming SXSW, the league is currently gaining momentum.

"While the women on Pillow Fight League keep their clothes decidedly *on* and Fox News has video with one pillow pusher claiming that she doesn't think it's a "sexual thing", the rest of us can sit back and smirk quietly about videos and galleries of really cute girls bedecked in ruffle butt fighting gear all grinning and tussling and taking their aggressions out on each other with the ultimate in blunt instruments -- feather-stuffed sacks of destruction".

You have to wonder if the audience far outweighs the participants in these tryouts. If I make it to SXSW this year, I'll be sure to try and cover both sides of the experience.

Mikey likes it!

firstlife.jpgPerhaps this is the one kind of Life that Mikey really doesn't like. As disgruntled as the four-year-old who hated everything, anti-Second Life-ers have created a snarky site called First Life. First Life claims to be a 3D analog world where server lag doesn't exist and you can even "fornicate using your actual genitals". Yes, apparently even in First Life, there are false claims in advertising. That's how they hook you - rope you in with high hopes of genital fornication and throw you out with a whiny bitch who's "not in the mood" and an expired condom. Hmm, maybe Second Life isn't so bad afterall.


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January 23, 2007

That's the snuff: nerd honors PSP with seppuku

The recipe for YouTube success seems to be a comfort food everyone grew up with. Destruction of products, the more brand-heavy, the sweeter, and a lack or complete disregard of editing skills creates a delightful snack for everyone to enjoy. The Sony PSP appears to be the latest YouTube star, in a katana-stabbing match. What kind of dork owns a katana, you ask? The same kind that attempts a PSP seppuku with bare feet. Somewhat cringing and yet still hopeful that the little chump would stab and miss, one must realize that not all can reach the YouTube greatness of those past.

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What comes after Blue Monday?

therapiemain3.jpgGetting through the depression was the easy part. Wading through all the trying-to-be-quirky blog posts about Blue Monday was another story. If you didn't already gouge your eyes out from the lame "don't worry, everyone feels just like you" posts and are still experiencing blog fatigue symptoms, the Therapie wants to turn your frown upside down. As annoyingly cute (and, in a way, creepy) as a grown woman who dots her i's with hearts, the Therapie, spelled with an 'ie' for extra brownie points and gold stars, claims to create a peaceful mood with color and light therapy. Shipping currently takes 4-6 weeks, so you may want to reconsider the gouging.

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Tushology: where B equals Bounce Factor

jessica%20ass.jpgOver drinks, it has been discussed many a time: the science of tushology. As a friend of mine put it, a tush is the ultimate perfection (what most super models have), an ass includes the majority of fairly attractive women, and a butt is the bottom of the totem pole. An article in the New York Times even outlined the mathematical equation explaining tushology:

"The equation that describes the quality of the female rear end, according to Holmes, is (S + C) x (B + F)/T - V, where S = Overall Shape (“including tendency to droop”), C = Circularity, B = Bounce Factor (not to be confused with “wobble”), F = Firmness (with perfect being “like a comfy bed”), T = Skin Texture and V = Vertical Ratio (the goal: “on the top-heavy side of symmetrical”). For the male rear end, the equation replaces bounce, circularity and vertical ratio with M (Muscularity), L (Leanness) and O (Overall Symmetry)."

Is it no wonder then that Jessica Biel has chosen to display her derriere, following in the footsteps of Jessica Alba's highly sought after bikini bottom. Jessica Biel likes to give as well as receive, though, passing her booty baton onto Maria Menouno's tush with a brief slap and verbal encouragement.

On second thought, let's leave some porn to the imagination

hdtvporn.jpgPerhaps the moneyshot shouldn't actually jump out of the TV and into your living room. The latest in HDTV clarity makes some porn stars uneasy, and it's not a case of the 'butterflies'.

"The XXX industry has gotten too graphic, even for its own tastes ... “The biggest problem is razor burn,” said Stormy Daniels, an actress, writer and director. Ms. Daniels is also a skeptic. “I’m not 100 percent sure why anyone would want to see their porn in HD,” she said."

To cure the blemishes, wrinkles, and cellulite that can't exist in fantasy land, many directors are taking them in to post-production for a touch-up quickie. Others have gone to more extreme measures, claiming to get more plastic surgery just to cater to HD.

"Men are all about outdoing each other, being up with the times, being cool, having the latest technology,” [Ms. Daniels] said. “They’re willing to sacrifice our vanity and imperfections to beat each other” to high-definition, she said."

Ad gets nicked from metro corners

shaveparis.jpgShaved and squeaky clean, this ad was recently captured on a street in Paris. Though not trying to sell us the latest version of the precarious 'Down Under' Nads, the ad is reminiscent of the good ol' days in infomercials, overly dramaticizing nicks and cuts from shaving. It's a wonder any of us made it through becoming a woman without slicing our legs in half or waxing our skin off. It may be winter, and you may be single, but Valentine's Day soon approaches - shave for hope, ladies.

Man catalogs Times Square advertising, buys nothing

timessq01.jpgIn a god-knows-why stunt, a man ponders, "I wonder what it would look like to see every ad in Times Square all on one page.” Equipped with a camera, too much spare time, and the remnants of a soul, David catalogged as many ads as he could point his lens at. With so many to pick from, you can easily choose which ones have pissed you off the most over the course of your daily commute or New Year's Eve let down spent at home. If only someone had told him he could get the same effect by just visiting the Million Dollar Homepage (or the sequel: Pixelotto).

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January 22, 2007

15 megabytes of fame: Diesel gets hacked

webcam.jpgBlackmail, a hostage, a little extorsion (apparently hackers don't have time to spell check extortion), some stealing of Diesel's website, and the latest campaign called Heidies is underway. With a bit of pleasurable trickery and handcuffs, the culprits are on a mission to become 'so f**king famous!'. Delving deeper into the covert operation, a live webcam shows the girls' latest victim alongside a poll of how to torture him. A live chat also reveals the desperate begging for more among viewers around the world. The Heidies are definitely delicious, but not so promiscuous, as they make sure you get what they're after, "No, we will not show our tits, been there, done that, didn't work". Here's to trying.

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PETA pledges to get 'nakeder than ever before'

PETAchick.jpgFrom business suit to birthday suit, the PETA girls take center stage at a State of the Union 'Undress'. Prefering to bare skin instead of wearing skin, PETA wants you to know that the only legal hot chicks shouldn't come from KFC. While most viral videos are nothing but teases, this NSFW one makes sure to finish you off. By the end, you'll be begging her to throw red paint on you like the dirty, fried-chicken-eating boy you are.

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Pussy posses and porn, pennies away

naked-anti-g8-protesters-in-switzerland.jpgJust like the celebs, entourages are now available for hire at a much lower price (if you don't count your soul). A new German site allows users to rent out demonstrators for public protests. For $188 a day, you too can rent out students and housewives to do your dirty work. As long as you're not a neo-nazi, the possibilities seem endless. Whether you're protesting clothes or monogamy, it always feels good to have someone behind you.

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January 20, 2007

Sight for the week's end

Spit Art. I'm sure his mother is proud.

January 19, 2007

'Artist' creates global circle jerk

spermcube.jpgWanting women to regurgitate the contents of their stomachs, a France-based artist has created the Spermcube. No beating around the proverbial bush, the artist Philippe Meste aims to produce a cube filled with 264 gallons (literally, 1 ton) of human sperm. Meste asks for men around the world to donate to his grotesque vision by providing donor kits online. While there's more than enough sperm in the world, usually the name of the game for most men is to keep it outside of 'the box'. While this box may not be as warm and velvety, at least it doesn't get knocked up.

January 18, 2007

Shocker: Advertising hits a new low

federline.jpgAs if advertising didn't have enough problems as is, what with pop-ups, windshield flyers, fake blogs, and false claims - now we've got to worry about child support. As if dumped on the advertising industry's doorstep by a drunk, panty-less, trashy blonde, we've got to pick up where Britney left off by supporting K-Fed? Seriously.

The chump has claimed to give in to his fellow chumps (fans?) by making fun of himself in an ad scheduled to appear during the Super Bowl. The spot (watch out, total spoiler alert!) for Nationwide Insurance is set to feature K-Fed working in fast food.

"The Life Comes at You Fast concept was created to remind people that they need to think about preparing for the future. No one has personified Life Comes at You Fast in the media better than Kevin Federline. Our partnership with Kevin shows the world that he has a great sense of humor. He's poking fun at himself, and in the process gets to have the last word."

We really, truly wish. IF ONLY that could be the last word we ever hear from him.

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No rhyme or reason

AD1.gifAt least it wasn't 'hold Justin Tumberlake's dick-in-a-box for an Xbox'?

Dane Cook thinks bloggers are cynical assholes. Maybe so, but even we write better jokes.

Previously: Wii puts Weight Watchers to shame: The After.

Greatest thing since for sliced bread, Toast Automatica.

No, I really don't care what you read today.

Some fries with your fashion?

Tina%2520Fey_Starbucks_large.jpgApparently budding fashion designers don't see anymore success than K-Fed. With now two ex-Project Runway stars teaming up with fast food havens, it's a wonder that they sell any clothes to their sponsor's customers. One would think fashion and fast food would be mutual enemies, but a gig is a gig. Michael Knight, the Season 3 contestant who blew it in the final round, recently teamed up with Starbucks to create "My Starbucks" customizable t-shirts. No telling if Starbucks will give out mandatory "My [Your Name Here]" shirts to ensure their marketing message of domination isn't dilluted.

Quitting is for lovers

gogolounge1.preview.jpgDistraught over the recent smoking-ban, night clubs quickly needed to remedy the oral fixation among patrons. The "Oh well, so much for smoking..." ad grabs attention among other things, and it's not even for a deoderant bodyspray. Somehow doubtful that the women who bum cigarettes from you would give you the time of day, no less their tongue down your throat, but who said advertising should be truthful?

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Contrived art gallery humor

01-17-moca.jpgUnwilling to hire a hooker in a cake for gallery openings, art snobs take artistic liscensing over the would-be showstopper. The Convertible Skirt/Table by fashion designer Hussein Chalayan is part of a current exhibit at the MOCA in Los Angeles. Exploring fashion, architecture, and interior design, the exhibit aims to literally and figuratively overlap the inspirations for each. For those going just for the free liquor, dare your friends to drink you under the table.

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Melts in your mouth and squirms a little on the way down

mms.jpgM&M's released a new campaign, allowing users to 'personalize' their M&M's more. Potentially on track with their My M&M's gimmick that allowed non-confrontational bosses to fire people the "corporate way" with personalized messages, this one is more light-hearted (before us CGM-ers fuck it up!). Planet M&M's takes a page out of the late great South Park character site, letting you create your own personified M&M character. So far, we've yet to see any screen grabs of some truly wrong creative applications of this tool, but hopefully some will surface soon.

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January 17, 2007

When Wiil it end?

As annoyingly frequent as AdRants hourly updates over the Julie Roehm (who? exactly.) debacle last month, apparently mentioning anything about the violently hip Wii console sends in a flood more. Since The Wii Sex Movie was the most popular link last week, it's only considerate to post the sequel. Wanting to milk the viral fame for all its worth, the douchey chump of a boyfriend continues his story, post-dropping-the-soap-in-a-gamer-convention. Don't flatter yourself, anal-Wii-rape boy, Katie Couric shoved things up her ass on national television and look where that got her.

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Orally fixated: tasty textures

foam-and-granita200.jpgTasty textures seem to be the feeling on the tip of your tongue that you just can't place. The latest trends in food document textures as the top item that we base our likes and dislikes around.

"Making sure that commercial food products feel right in our mouth is an enormous part in the development of any new food item. That's why you see the ingredients carrageenan, carob bean, food starch, and guar gum on many foods. They increase creaminess, amp up the thickness, and otherwise make foods feel better in your mouth."

As they say, life is like a box of chocolates - it's always delightful to open up to an oral surprise. If nothing else, it's satisfying to be good with your mouth, so use it.

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January 16, 2007

Please make sure your tray tables are in their full upright and locked positions

trayads.jpgPerhaps as an outcry over TiVo-loving fast-forward-nazis, advertising finds more ways to infiltrate moments in life you can't fast forward. Unlike that crap Adam Sandler movie, you have no remote and you might have to take it up the ass if you get cocky. Yes, that's right, as if the white gloves of airport security weren't threatening enough, advertisers plan to place ads in the security trays. If the deal is agreed upon, advertisers would pay to supply trays to airports - apparently being dicked over in plane food was low on the advertising-supplied totem pole. Perhaps the adverts will take a hint and contextualize to the environment. A few humble product suggestions: foot odor spray, push-ups without underwires, swallow-tested-powder-approved condoms, and I still think Ziploc would make a killing if they made kiosks outside the security checkpoint (they can thank me later).

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Today we'll be learning how to frag


As if straight out of Martha Stewart Living, soccer moms get into the game. Following their very own home recipes, you too can learn how to frag, pwn, and hax0r.

Gamer goodies (left to right): Ms. Pacman bento box, bits2die4 scarf, and Zelda's Link cupcake pixel art.

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Strut your stubble

nopants.jpg300 New Yorkers unzipped for the sixth annual No Pants! Subway Ride on Saturday. The flash-mob-esque stunt was part of Improv Everywhere's many "scene causing" sights. While sure that there were sights you wish you hadn't seen, a few had to wonder if the choices in socks were actually far more amusing than the stubble and cellulite. I personally would've gone with a garter belt but there's always next year. For more panties, boxers, briefs, and balls, photos are here and here.

Urban Ménage à Trois goes mobile

lovecity.jpgJust when you thought the holidays were over, Valentine's Day soon approaches in many reluctant minds. With less than a month in counting, a new game aims to bring back the excitement over mysterious Valentines.

"Played on mobile phones, city walls and the web, Love City invites three cities to fall in love via text message. Players act as a matchmaker for their city. The aim of the game is to fall in love. By linking with someone from a different city your score increases."

Users are able to accept or reject messages of love from others in the game. While it may come as a disappointment that it's not for an actual Ménage à Trois hook-up, just be glad you don't turn your VDay into a VD.


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From chic to geek

fashiontech.jpgReplacing fashion chic with fashion geek, Angel Chang showcases her line up for Spring 2007. The Fashion Tech show was hosted earlier in New York to display the latest in integrating technology with fashion. Aiming to not be just another cliche', Chang opts to create stylish and realistic applications of wearable technology.

"Fashion designer Angel Chang collaborated with technologists and artists to create the next step in fashion, what we've all been waiting for -- the exploration with technology. From special inks that change color or appear/dissappear with heat or sunlight to stylized iPod jackets, Angel's collection wasn't about gimmicky technology, it was beautiful fashion with function and new twists."

Pictured: The charmeuse borders of this 5-layer skirt contain a series of hidden 3-D images. A series of single image random dot stereograms (SIRDs) showing shapes of American weapons we see everyday on the news.

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Sticks and stones may break my bones but...

words.jpgEverything You Thought We'd Forgotten is a series of installations exploring the sometimes violent application of words. The experimentation in language opens up space for digital graffiti, allowing users to interact with letterforms without the otherwise messy residue. Another piece of the installation, titled the Intralocutor, maps language out visually based on audible fluctuations. The "visual materiality" changes based on how users speak to one another in conversation.

Other pieces border creepiness, as they directly interact with the deepest and sometimes darkest secrets you have entrusted your computer with. I Know What You're Thinking claims to be a stream of consciousness that reanimates and splices the bored and restless texts residing on your hard drive from years ago. Obviously eerie, it's probably best to not leave this one up and running at work or around a current loved one. Clearing out your browser history is hard enough.


January 15, 2007

Online to offline, contextual landscaping

Miniboard.jpgAt what point does context replace content? Google and MINI gear up their latest in interweb domination, this time taking it to the streets.

Google plans to roll out a series of internet-based billboards that act similar to AdSense, advertising available products in local stores. The system will have the capability of switching out advertising based on the products being in stock in real-time. While advertisers will be able to manage their accounts online like AdSense, one can only hope that the CPM rate won't be as similar.

MINI, however, is taking a different route. Relying less on context and more on you, the latest campaign titled Motorby asks users to supply not-too-personal information in exchange for a key fob that alerts billboards to your presence. The interactive billboards are then able to detect your presence and give you a personal message as you drive by. The pilot boards are currently up in NY, Chicago, SF, and Miami. As MINI states, "the billboards are talking" - and this time, not AT you.

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What happens there, is blogged here

2007_01_12_avnday3.jpgWinding down from the pervs and geeks of last week, Wired and BoingBoing cover the NSFW overlaps of CES and AVN 2007. Winding up the "sex-tech", was the teledildonics toys that allow for partners to control the speed, intensity, and rhythm during cybersex.
Xeni then points us to a site dedicated to women having sex with robots. The site seems unnecessary, as anyone could just covertly videotape the hotel rooms of AVN/CES crossover hook-ups to get the same effect. Feeling threatened by the iPhone, the makers of OhMiBod (the vibrator that syncs with an iPod), created BodiTalk, the vibrator that syncs with your mobile phone. Essentially, it feels good to be popular.

(Photo courtesy of Fleshbot's 2007 AVN coverage)

Upskirts gain protection, lose popstar

paris_upskirt_1.jpgMadonna recently revealed her distaste for the upskirts galavanting around town. Crotchshots simply don't grow on popstars, as some prefer to keep the issue well trimmed.

"I've been hearing these stories (and) it's dreadful. I love underpants... I've come to New York and the first thing I hear is about everyone not wearing underpants.. What's going on? It's freezing outside." said Madonna to Letterman when asked about the no-knickers policy.

Oh, but Madonna, sometimes being a "non-material" girl in a material world can provide pleasant surprises to the glee (or in Britney's cases, disgust) of many. We all love our lacy knickers, but really, who has the time anymore?

The issue has even spread far east, where a city is being built specifically for women. The city is said to feature sidewalks designed for high heels and bridges at slight angles for those who wish to walk the town with minimal pervish peeping. Unless of course that's your whole reasoning, in which case you may not need a city, but it doesn't hurt to be a popstar.

She won't get sick if you wrap your...

CES_Condom_Eva.jpg...mobile phone? Middle school humor aside, more awkward devices are surfacing from last week's CES tech fest. Obviously lacking any kind of luck outside the poker tables, the geeks in Las Vegas needed to do something with all the expired condoms. Enter the mobile phone prophylactic. Probably invented by some guy caught practicing with condoms who then tried to pass it off as an actual business model, the mobile condom is said to protect your small device from all weather conditions. Similar models claim to protect against paint, blood, and sweat. So, whether you're a butcher or a serial killer on the go, you're covered!

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Wii death no longer just for homebodies

wiiosklondon.jpgNintendo takes its chances on the streets of London with interactive "Wii-osks". The Wii-osks are said to be just a pixel in Nintendo's marketing canvas. Equipped with HDTV and a street team of white marshmellows, the sight draws a crowd eager to see air-bowling in action. While no Wii-mote gang violence was reported, Joystiq warns of Americans and their crafty ways:

"Any self-respecting American in a metropolitan city would have asked to demo the unit, taken the Wii-mote, cracked the marketing flack over the head and run off with the system. But alas, these are not Americans."

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Coffee bar brews sexual tension

coffeesex.jpgCaffeine isn't the only addictive ingredient for a coffee bar in southern China. Sex is the topic among many of the young clientele. Catering to the consumer, a family planning department opened the coffee sex bar to promote healthy sex lives. The bar broadcasts sex-themed videos in addition to providing social resources for previously-taboo topics. While sex and coffee may addictively go hand-in-hand, one can only hope that the coffee served is as tasty as the topics.

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January 14, 2007

Sight for the week's end

katlittercake.jpgDIY: Kat litter cake

January 12, 2007

Old Spice schools inexperienced guys

Taking the ruler to inexperienced guys' backsides across the nation, Old Spice unleashes its latest public service announcement. The campaign grabs attention by telling guys everywhere that it's just not okay to be "inexperienced" under anyone's watch. Old Spice needs all the attention they can get since Axe and others in the men's department have taken center stage with their so-horny-for-you ad chicks.


Some things are better left undone

2007_01_11_housework.jpgLike getting dressed. Urban Photography pins up their most tasteful twelve for 2007. Benefitting Breast Cancer charities, sneaking a peek has never had more of a good intention. This year's strip features the twelve doing a variety of household chores. With so many months in the year, one can only hope the calendar is well hung, in your office of course.


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Nerds splooge over latest glossy goodness

tv093.jpgSpreading the pages of a glossy magazine as opposed to a tv screen, Battlestar Galactica star Trisha Helfer dives into Playboy. The "sexy Cylon" appears in the latest edition of Playboy and seems fairly confident that her geek squad will follow her curves to the yet-to-be-sticky pages.

"I hope people like them," Helfer told The Post of her 10-page nude pictorial shot by famed shutterbug Sante D'Orazio. "I know I do."

Despite the off-screen confidence, Helfer's BG on-screen character has started to doubt her machine loyalty. It's okay Trisha, you already have a following from geeks and humans alike.

January 11, 2007

Hacking is for snobs

2007_01_moma-thumb.jpgWhen advertising is at a premium, desperate and unique solutions arise. "Hacking" into art snobbery seems to be the latest trend for a couple partners in contemporary crime.

"I wanted to share a snapshot of a NY urban joke me and my wife just hacked last night. We're neighbors of MoMA and while they're setting up these new video projectons for the Doug Aitken show, we decided to promote the latest art institution advertising media buy...This projection was done just once in traditional guerrilla fashion and will not be running during the show."

A humble suggestion to optimize the "joke" to improve reach among true snobs? "You're video here".

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Wii-envy no longer just for jealous girlfriends

While a seemingly obvious viral video for the physical benefits of the Wii, someone had to do it. Taking the cake, The Wii Sex Movie (they seriously couldn't come up with a Wii pun for a title!?). The premise is hot enough, but most could probably do without the chumpy boyfriend. For those already tingling about the idea, Fleshbot is offering bonus points to any adventurous couples willing to 1up the video by trying it out on Wii bowling. My mind is already in the gutter.

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Butt wrestling babes highlight culture obsession

The Japanese always find a way of reminding us why we're so giddy about their culture. Taking Japanese girls out of dubayu-tee-eff moments would be like trying to take the red out of Kool-Aid. For your consideration, a couple of happy exploding fun Japanese clips:

Butt-wrestling babes in bikinis

Rodeo-riding babes in bikinis (some assembly required, comes with creme pies provided by fully masked men in black)

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Dirty bets expose innocent ice-breakers

snownaked.jpgMaking bets on everyday activities can increase excitement and become quite addicting (admittedly I just lost a bet last weekend and had to see Rocky Balboa as a result). When the stakes rise, the results become even more interesting. Such is the case for a would-be World Cup Austrian skiier who lost a bet with his physiotherapist. The stakes? Skiing down a mountain naked.

"Schoenfelder skied wearing only yellow boots and an orange helmet and gloves, and a photographer snapped a shot of the skier that has been circulated on the Internet."

While embarassing, making bets can always help break the ice.


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Amazon finds g-spot, husband clueless

onion_thumb_1.pngAmazon is truly able to find all your wants and needs. Apparently able to locate the path to a woman's pleasure, the product search engine doubles as a homewrecker. An unrelated study supports that the better you know your spouse, the more likely you are to buy them crappy gifts.

"Pamela Meyers was delighted to receive yet another thoughtful CD recommendation from Amazon.com Friday, confirming that the online retail giant has a more thorough, individualized, and nuanced understanding of Meyers' taste than the man who occasionally claims to love her, husband Dean Meyers.

While the powerful algorithms that power Amazon's recommendations generator do not have the advantage of being able to observe Meyers' body language, verbal intonation, or current personal possessions, they have nonetheless proven more effective than Dean, who bases his gift-giving choices primarily on what is needed around the house, what he would like to own, and, most notably, what objects are nearby.


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January 10, 2007

He's MY man - Cisco bitchslaps Apple over iPhone

iphone-vs-iphone.jpgJealous fits running high in technology this week. Cisco bitchslaps Apple with a lawsuit for using the term "iPhone". Earlier, Engadget had reported that the widely used folksonomy of iPhone to name the then-up-and-coming Apple phone had been called dibs on by Cisco circa the 1990s.

Cisco claims, "There is no doubt that Apple’s new phone is very exciting, but they should not be using our trademark without our permission....today’s iPhone is not tomorrow’s iPhone. The potential for convergence of the home phone, cell phone, work phone and PC is limitless, which is why it is so important for us to protect our brand."

File this one under desperate attempts to gain traffic via user error like the bible study site for typo-ed blogspot addresses and the late great Whitehouse.com porn.

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There's a party in Lindsay Lohan's mouth and everyone's invited

lohan.jpgSimilar to Trump Ice, and equally as lame, Perez Hilton and Best Week Ever point to Lindsay Lohan's expected advertising debut. The little firecrotch apparently itching for attention promotes "When you can't quit ... Adequite." The new vodka, rumored to launch in, and out of Lindsay's mouth, tries to keep the speculation at a hush.

"Rehydrate. Rehabilitate. Intoxicate. Introducing Adequite, the world's first single-grain triple-distilled luxury vodka available in a discreet plastic container that resembles an innocent - yet stylish - water bottle. Specially developed by troubled alcohol enthusiast and occasional movie actress Lindsay Lohan, Adequite is the solution to the problem you're not ready to admit you have."

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Close your eyes and open your palate

oyster.jpgNo, not a pick-up line from the Naked Chef (don't you wish?), sexy restaurants are the ones asking you to swallow. San Francisco was recently put to the test by Violet Blue, boasting her stamina for eating out. Gridskipper comments on the sexiest San Francisco restaurants:

"Absinthe: French food, french kissing, french tickler.
Ajanta Restaurant: Indian food in Berkeley. "honestly a sexual religious experience for your palate," really? You mean like a priest coming in your mouth? That kind of sexual religious experience for your palate?
Millennium: Millennium rhymes with Perineum, vegan rhymes with pee-on...coincidence or does eating here all but ensure multiple orgasms and golden showers?
Tsunami: Sushi, an "eloquent atmosphere" and a ton of sake to help you get your beer goggles on.
El Mansour: This Moroccan restaurant features belly dancers, tea poured from high, and pillows to aid and abet in sexy making."

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Thrust your pica pole into my lowercase

typopinup.jpgLike their garter belts, the classic charm and allure of pin-up girls holds up through today. Equally classic, sexy serifs outline every tempting curve of these pin-up beauties. Created in simple black and white, with red you wish you were all over.

"Miss Serifa - Always one to unbracket her square serifs, Serifa has a fuller figure and strong features so you can fax her or lay her on a photocopier and get a very satisfying result.
Miss Gill - Small in x-height and perfectly formed, she is a sans quite unlike any other and typographers find her up and downstrokes immensely satisfying.
Miss Optima - Outrageous Optima swings both ways with her kinky combination of serif and sans seric features. You'll also see a lot of her outdoors although we think many type designers would prefer to have her indoors, pinned against the wall of a studio.


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Pigeon shit, the new ad critic

pigeonshit.jpgMore ruthless than AdRants, pigeon shit takes on the culture-polluting advertising of NYC. In a no holds barred criticism, pigeons air out their dirty laundry - and bottoms - on a recent iteration of an ad campaign. The campaign for Caledonia, a development in NY, was also criticized by another blog ranter (who isn't these days?) for a recent change in demographics, pointing to the sudden change in "ad twats". While the pigeons can't be reached for comment, we can only wonder if pigeonshit will become a new inspiration for graffiti artists.

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It's all in the wrist straps

wiibrator.jpgThe Wiibrator eliminates the need to ride joysticks. This seemingly innocent, dirty little device helps you relax to good vibrations. By using the Wiimote, you can control the signals sent to your "x box". With so many reports, one has to wonder if there should be any safety warnings about damage to your goods.


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Keeping my eye on you

londonpolice.jpgA London police poster seeming "ripped straight from the set of 'Brazil', watches over the metro. With eyes of the Underground, the poster is intimidating to say the least. According to a NYT Magazine article, watchful eyes guilt-trip people into honesty. A psychological experiment claimed that even the visual representation of eyes affects human behavior. While unsure of the designer for this poster, the city's approval of 1984-esque typography and illustration for a security campaign is intriguing.

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January 9, 2007

Creeps infiltrate CES

elvis.jpgTaking no time in identifying the creepiness at this year's CES, Engadget reports on the latest in robotic creations. Among the creeps, a robotic Elvis. Chopped up like a Japanese snuff film, the chest-up slice is more than willing to entertain with a song-and-dance routine. As if watching The King's Michael-J-Fox-like spasms weren't enough, you can also sing along and pay tribute with your best karaoke attempts.

Previously ICYMI: Elvis the robocat

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I hear he has a 12" clip

headshot-web.jpgArguing over who's clip measures larger this week are a series of internet "super stars". VH1's Web Junk TV calls for your votes to determine the 40 Greatest Internet Superstars. While some have an ass for a face (nsfw), and some are simply considered an ass-face, the candidates prove to make the running competitive. A few highlights: Lazy Sunday, Diet Coke and Mentos, Bank of America, Lonelygirl15, Look at me being serious, Tom, Numa Numa, OK GO, Tron Guy.

What about Dick in a Box? Box in a box? Smirnoff Raw Tea? Shave Everywhere? Leeroy Jenkins? That lame Rolling Rock video that everyone liked? (Yeah, calling you out.)

Putting the sex back in heterosexual

magazine_030606.article.jpgWork those jeans, honey. Sporting the latest in pale skin and un-product-ified mops, heterosexual males take it to the runway. And don't think the latest collection could be complete without showing a little sex. Those rounded pertruding nipples are ripe for milking. As they say, "shake it, don't break it, it took ya momma 9 months to make it".

Update: Per alzack's comment, I've made a diagram ala' Perez Hilton to help find the points (or lack thereof) of interest

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So hip it hurts

google.600.jpgGoogle boasts urban hipness with recently acquired New York workplace. Having opened in October, the Manhatten Googleplex is elusive, similar to a particular Brothers Grimm story...

"There is no Google sign on the building, and it’s hard to catch a glimpse of a Googler, as employees call themselves, on the street because the company gives them every reason to stay within its candy-colored walls."

Sure, gingerbread houses are all fun and games at first glance. However, these unsuspecting Googlers are playing into the workaholic-witch's hand - soon to be swallowed up and never heard from again.

"... but Google has free food, and plenty of it, including a sushi bar and espresso stations. There are private phone booths for personal calls and showers and lockers for anyone running or biking to work."

... Or for those too busy for anything more than an office quickie inbetween all-nighters. Admittedly tempting, not sure how long one could tolerate the Phish-wearing, buzzword-loving hipsters before realizing that "Googling yourself" every night may indeed be the better alternative.


No talent ass clown

0clownfe.jpgBricks Are Heavy is a current exhibition at the Institute of Modern Art in Australia. The exhibition explores weighty issues in identity politics (hence the name). Most notably, the debate between Gay vs. Queer.

"Queer is a ‘post-identity’ idea. Queers tried to get rid of the straight/Gay polarity and adopt a third way. Queers almost thought they were doing a public service by saying you don’t have to subscribe to dominant values ... Queer was very utopian. It was a great idea."

Gridskipper comments, "the exhibit also features homages to Keanu Reeves and this photograph of a clown appearing to have butt sex with a punk entitled, Clown Fuck Punk. What is even more unbearably exciting that in fact, what you are seeing isn't merely a photograph but a video capture. I'm not sure what the narrative arc of the film will be but I think the themes of a clown having butt sex with a punk will be explored more, ahem, deeply."

The exhibition continues to show through February 3.

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Vibrating pod keeps you up

metronaps.jpgBetter than breakfast in bed, being woken up by a vibrating pod possibly keeps you looking younger and feeling better. MetroNaps, pods aimed to provide designated powernap locations for professionals, are ergonomically designed, focusing on the science of sleep. Gentle vibrations and lights awake the user from the spherical cocoon.

"[Naps] help you live longer, stay more active, and look younger. The benefits result in greater alertness, improved memory retention and creative insight. Napping can make you a faster typist, better dancer or anything else requiring complex and coordinated motor skills. Also, a nap's effects on mental health include improved mood, lowered stress, and greater psychological balance."


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January 8, 2007

Brazil prefers to be a dick over YouTube pussy

assgrab.pngBrazil has reportedly blocked YouTube over a celebrity sex video featuring the model and ex-wife of soccer icon Ronaldo. The Brazilian ISP, Brasil Telecom, banned user access to YouTube reportedly after the sex tape kept popping up. The ex-wife, Daniela Cicarelli, demanded $116k per day per amount of days the video remained on YouTube. Perhaps sex tapes are more than just a way to get your name out there, at that rate, who needs a salaried modeling gig?

"The video (at least the version circulating now) isn't all that explicit, but it's super cheesy. It's been edited to include schlocky samba music and subtitles ("an ice cream to cool the heat... or does it, hmmm?"). Mr. Malzoni, a real estate heir whose public LinkedIn profile identifies him as a vice president with Merril Lynch in Brazil, hangs a bunch of seaweed on his schlong at the end."

Gaming goes emo

gamedutch.jpgThe latest gaming accessory goes emo. The Game Dutch pillow could be a cross between unsociable gamers needing a hug and a poor cover-up for morning wood.

"Playing video games should be pure, childlike fun--not the cause for chronic neck and shoulder pain. Those are problems real adults should deal with, not thirty-something year old gamers who refuse to grow up."

While the pillow might help with physical aches and pains, we all know that gamers have emotional needs, too. Perhaps this will eliminate the need for the Boyfriend Arm and Girlfriend Lap pillows.

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Arrival anticipation climaxes

fullroom.jpgJetlagged bodies always deserve a night of relaxation after a cramped trip. While probably only affordable to people already accustomed to the leg-stretching and steaks of first class, Yotel, a hotel inside an airport, tempts for more indulgent traveling. Located inside Terminal 4 at Heathrow, with another location at Gatwick, one of the world's largest airports is equipped to turn the classic "arrival-kiss" at the gate between loved ones into an arrival-fuck at the terminal. Like a flower shop at a hospital, the many shops at Heathrow (such as Agent Provocateur) only cater to becoming an all-in-one destination for long distance relationships. With so much temptation, laptop cases may need to create models for men that sling over the front for added anticipation coverage.

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RSS overload: blogging CES

2007_1006.jpgWhile many readers may already be showing signs of fatigue by the amount of CES posts pouring into their RSS readers, others are simply jealous. Shake Well Before Use may not be on the scene providing you step by step details of the cool ballpoint pens being handed out, photos of PowerPoint presentations, or the people we conversed with for name-dropping rights, but these bloggers are:


As some have speculated, this year in CES seems to be amping up gaming more than before. Perhaps SWBU will be l33t enough next year.

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Another reason to blame tourists

times%20square.jpgA New York Times article from last month points to tourists as the hottest ad space. The camera-toting tourists are said to take photos of recognizable ad-clusterfuck areas like Times Square, often sending the photos to people most-likely to view them. Apparenly having a slow news day, the NYT failed to see that outdoor advertising isn't unlike viral marketing. Sure, you enjoyed viewing your roommate photo-document the tushology of New York women, but it didn't make you want to buy a Cup o' Noodles.


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The 2007 Bloggies weblog awards

swbu.pngAnother year, another blog. The 2007 Bloggies are in full swing, currently taking in nominations (until January 11) for the best blog in multiple categories. Among those categories, towards the bottom of the page, is the Best New Weblog for those that began in 2006. While starting a blog in 2006 may point to signs of a late-bloomer, I go forth and shamelessly point to myself. Yes, that's right, Shake Well Before Use qualifies to be nominated for Best New Weblog, so put in your nominations now! Blogs that receive the most nominations will be considered for later public voting by a private panel.

January 7, 2007

Sight for the week's end


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January 5, 2007

Scantily clad woman, a waste of time

lynxblow.jpgIt's always sad when our precious minutes go unrewarded. Typically it's when we get tricked into an advertisement or we get caught one-handed with a shortage of increasingly revealing photos. Apparently wanting to shoot two birds with one stone, a British version of Axe body spray created an advergame involving a minimally dressed woman that you "blow on" to blow off her clothes. Yes, literally blow on.

"Lynx Blow doesn't have much of a setup, just a full screen video of a scantily clad woman in a barren winter landscape and an entreaty to blow into a microphone or headset "to make me hot." Indeed, constant blowing thaws out the woman and eventually blows her top off, at which point she runs off and you can start all over again."

Add to that, that you never actually see her naked and it's somewhat boring for any savvy one-handed browsers. Usually the Brits are known for their up-to-par sexual humor in advertising, but this one certainly falls short.

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Conceptual laptops provide play, pleasure and pain

2122.gifA recent project among digital media students at the Berlin University of the Arts asked to develop an analog extention of a laptop that considers its physical properties as well as computational power.

"... devices, together with their software, are nevertheless often designed without much consideration of the physicality of the laptop and its usage situation. The computer is an abstract source of energy, computation and screenspace to many such devices. The challege of this short project was to rethink the laptop as a physical object with extended functionality, and cherish these qualities in a novel and refreshing way."

A few notably refreshing ways:

i-sleep: An inflatable pillow rests above the laptop, connected to the computer fan for warming. Music begins playing automatically when you close the laptop and an adjustable "waking tone" can be set for when you'd like to wake up.

Finger Trap: Literally a finger trap created for unwanted trackpad trespassers.

The Digital Marionette: "The idea was to extend the laptop with a pair of strings to use it as a digital marionette. The application i wrote reads out the Powerbook´s motion sensor´s position data and then uses it, to move the marionette. If you tilt the notebook to the left, the marionette on the screen reacts to gravity and also swings in this direction."

via: wmmna

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Time to give up those resolutions

naughtycandy.jpgYou made it five days. Pat yourself on the back. Time to give those new year's reolutions the ol' heave ho. According to the New York Post, being naughty has more benefits than just a slap on the ass. Candy and gossip are said to increase longevity, drinking decreases heart attacks, staying up late helps digestion, sleeping in keeps you slim, and video games keep you alert. It truly is nice to be naughty.

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January 4, 2007

Most Contagious 2006

contagious.pngContagious magazine lists their most contagious items for 2006. With the year in review, categories included gadgets, design, gaming, mobile, and viral to name a few. Highlights include Second Life, Wii, Lonelygirl15, ZeFrank, Skype, Smirnoff Raw Tea Partay, adidas adicolor (seen the Jenna Jameson one?), and Banksy. With all the 2006 contagious celebs, what unworthy soul wasn't on the list? Zune.

Download the Most Contagious 2006 pdf here.

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Gay person of the year: You.

Perez-Main-3.jpgA recent survey by Harris Interactive and Witeck-Combs Communications analyzed sexuality with social networking. While we all go browsing for hotties online when our significant others aren't watching, the survey aimed for the less obvious findings.

"[The] survey found that more online gay, lesbian and bisexual (GLB) individuals use social networks Friendster and MySpace per week compared to online heterosexuals. Other well-known websites such as YouTube, Craigslist and personal web logs also were found to be more popular among GLB individuals.

Regarding web logs or blog use, the survey found about one in four GLB individuals (24%) report visiting personal blogs, which are websites that serve as an individual's personal online journal, compared to 12 percent of heterosexuals. In fact, over one in three GLB adults (36%) visit their favorite blogs everyday, while only 19 percent of heterosexuals say they visit their favorite blogs daily.


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Subtly intimidating the competition

bmw_jaguar_scardey_cat.jpgThe devil is in the details. BMW uses subtle intimidation to advertise the better choice. Supposedly made in Spain, this advert has artistic license over mocking competitors. While a cute idea, you have to wonder if they're helping the competition more than hurting - or perhaps us Americans with our short attention spans are the only ones who wouldn't give an advert the time of day.

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CTRL+Z: Fashion faux pas

keyring.pngWhile you may not be able to hit the escape key on your marriage proposal, the latest geek-gush may make her ready for disappointment. AZERTY (what happened to QWERTY?) objects are the fashion faux pas, a decade late. Not sure if these rings will go with every outfit, but they're sure to get you more chumpy-geek attention than those mood rings ever did.

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The trick is hooking them when they're young

david-wilkinson.jpgProBlogger points to a 12 year old who is gaining some ground in the blogosphere. As I revealed last week, I also had a fairly early start, as such, it's obligatory that I give a shout out to the various early birds I come across. David Wilkinson started blogging just this year but seems to be finding success easily. While the thought of a 12 year old blogging shouldn't come as much of a surprise, it is great to see people embracing it rather than writing it off. Best of wishes to you, David, ride the age-novelty-wave as long as you can.

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When I said I hate you, I really meant pay attention to me

347_home2_img1_blog4.jpgJaffe pointed to a post by brandchannel.com that appears to be well thought-out and worth a read. Reading through it, it's apparent that the post is trying to maintain balance between the point-of-views of the blogger, the brand, and the people who work for the brand. This comes as a refreshing change of pace, as bloggers sometimes write-off companies who don't actively or very poorly engage in online conversation, refusing to even try and understand the company's side of the battle and assuming the worst (i.e. they're assholes who don't care about my emo rants about them). This tags back to a recent debate with Scoble's latest rant. Many brands do want to be active in the blogosphere, but there are numerous corporate obstacles in the way that can only be remedied with time and a lot of hand-holding from ad agencies or bloggers.

Lately, at ad:tech conferences, brands have seemed more-than-willing to dive into the whole "tech" world of RSS, wikis, and podcats. However, when the subject of blogging comes up, many seem intimidated, if not threatened, by the blogosphere. While fake blogs should continue to be slammed due simply to deception (and stupidity), all the negativity around free-stuff being given to bloggers should realize that despite it not being perfect yet, unless the brand specifically says you can't criticize them, that they are actively trying to reach out to you and value the blogosphere for what it is. Like the squirrel you hit on the way back from grandma's reaching out for life, give it a chance before running it over again to put it out of its misery.

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January 3, 2007

The iPhone gets PWNED

And no, not talking about the recent buzzword buzzkill when we all discovered that Cisco had the rights to use the word iPhone. However, this may sooth Apple's pains, as that buzzword is now so last year (or a few years ago for those of us l33t geeks - is l33t banned yet?).

Lake Superior State University recently listed their banished words for 2007, highlights from the list include:

Combined Celebrity Names - yes, you may just have to take a few extra syllables to talk about how creepy Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are or just give up trying to make a name for Justin Timberlake and Scarlett Johansson - although, I've become fond of "Scarin".
Awesome - The list claims it's so 1984, but VH1 still loves the 80s.
PWN or PWNED - Oh c'mon, when have gamers ever realized what year it is from outside their basement windows? They're worried about clocking speeds, not actual clocks.
i-Anything - But YouTube would be a lonely place without spoofs! Besides, with Time Magazine's recent lame Person of the Year issue, the focus is on "You", not i.

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Creepy crawly makes women tingly

parasite.jpgAccording to an article published last month, a parasite is responsible for "turning women into sex kittens." The mind-altering parasite Toxoplasma gondii is believed to make women more promiscuous and men more stupid, and is said to have infected 40% of the world's population.

"Human infection generally occurs when people eat raw or undercooked meat that has cysts containing the parasite, or accidentally ingest some of the parasite's eggs excreted by an infected cat." ... "Interestingly, the effect of infection is different between men and women," ... "In short, it can make men behave like alley cats and women behave like sex kittens''.

Before you try to feed your wife a slab of raw meat, be sure to read up on the other side effects. Like the soothing voice on a prescription-med commercial, this parasite can cause schizophrenia, abortion, death, but you can probably still brag if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours.

via: Sexoteric

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Middle school is a life lesson in humor

jpenglishles.jpgViolet Blue lists via BoingBoing, the top 10 Sex Memes of 2006. While trying to avoid all the who-cares-lists, Violet does have a point:

"Typically -- and especially with sex memes -- they're too scary or NSFW to get any official traffic. And yet everyone finds out about them, and are fascinated for at least one solid minute. But the best part of sex memes, besides the weirdness and snarky wrong ironic humor? The gap between perception and reality is often a goatse-like chasm..."

NSFW warnings aside (because you've been thinking about getting a better job anyway), the full list with descriptions can be found here, but the cliffnote version is below for your pervy convenience:

10. Celebrity Cooch Flash-A-Palooza
9. Boobs in a Box
8. George Bush Butt Plug
7. Pinky Violence
6. Sex and Google Trends; Sex and Google Patents
5. The 500 Person Japanese Orgy
4. The Seattle Craigslist Experiment Scandal
3. A Series of (Fallopian) Tubes
2. Phonecam Subway Masturbator
1. Let's Sexy Engrish

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Your friends are flakey

head_shoulders.jpgLike when your Mom bought a DVD player and you knew the look-at-me parade was long gone, Head & Shoulders successfully made photobooths no longer hip. Gone are the days of scanning and posting poorly-developed film strips of you and your friends to every MySpace comment and blog you can get your click on. Advertising yet again pushes you over like bully in school. Only this time, instead of pulling your hair, he mocks it.

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If you don't behave, I'll feed you to the New Yorkers

subway2.jpgA recent report points to sick passengers as one of the main delays in New York subways. Gawker and the article go on to claim that skinny bitches are the new target for angry New Yorkers (hating hipsters is so 2006).

"You have women trying to get their bodies tight for the summer and they won't eat," said Asim Nelson, a Transit emergency medical technician based in Grand Central Station. "Not eating for three or four days, you are going to go down. If you don't eat for 12 hours you are going to get weak." Talisa McGraw, 17, sheepishly admitted to skipping breakfast and dinner the night before she fainted on a downtown No. 4 train on her way to Manhattan Village Academy at about 8 a.m. last month."

Gawker's ad campaign reads: "If you see something, eat something - Look, bitch, we don't care how skinny you need to be by the time your Hamptons share starts, we just want to get to work - Sweet Christ, why don't you just drug yourself like the rest of us? For fuck's sake."

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Underwater hotel pitches a tent in Dubai

1-exterior.jpg"Hydropolis is not a project; it’s a passion." - That's what they all say when they want to penetrate the deep, wet... ocean. Hydropolis is a current development in Dubai, or in fact, 20 meters below Dubai, with 220 suites and an estimated cost of 300 million pounds. The project is supposed to open in late 2007. Joachim Hauser, the designer of the underwater hotel, seems to be modest about his package, claiming the architecture is based off of the nervous and cardiovascular systems. Sure, Joachim, just make sure the structure is hard before putting it in 20m deep.

via: Neatorama

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January 2, 2007

Wii puts Weight Watchers to shame

wiibeforeafter.jpgOr at least that's the hope for one blogger, trying to shed off the holiday flab. Blogging may be predicted as reaching its peak in 2007, but is not considered a sport as of yet. Video gaming, however, is currently picking up the slack in the "sport" arena. While video games are proven to raise your heart rate as you're mentally sending signals to your muscles, it's still a sedentary activity for the most part. Trying to close the gap, however, the Nintendo Wii eliminates hunching over a monitor and replaces it with embarassing, yet fun, physical movement.

To see how much a difference a day (or 45) makes, a blogger created the Wii Sports Experiment to track the benefits, if any, of using the Wii for 30 minutes a day. The results should be in sometime in mid-January. This might be a laugh to some, but hey, we all need our baby steps to meet those New Years resolutions. As he aptly put it, "time to start sweatin’ to the fuckin’ oldies".

Also, ICYMI, Wii and PS3 do the Apple spoof gig, too.

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Mindfuck me

6535-000020.jpgThe BBC, along with a team of psychologists, recently created Sex ID, an interactive test that determines what gender your mind is. By asking you to perform simple tasks, the test has tracked what kind of scores are typically associated with certain genders.

"Most scientists agree that men and women are of equal intelligence, but some believe that they may have differing mental strengths and weaknesses, on average. The reasons for these differences, if they exist, are not known, though there are a number of theories that offer possible explanations."

The test also might teach you a thing or two about your mind as well as body, like this published factoid: "It's thought that your ratio (of the length of your index finger to the length of your ring finger) is governed by the amount of testosterone you were exposed to in your mother's womb. The ratio is set for life by as early as three months after conception. Even during puberty, when we experience intensive hormonal changes, the ratio stays the same."

If you're sluggishly getting back into work, take a few additional minutes of slack time and see what sex your mind is as opposed to just having sex on the mind.

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Sensitive to the touch screens

touchbuilding.jpg"Touch", is an urban interactive installation, controlled by a sci-fi-like touch screen dashboard. Currently live and active in Brussels, the Belgian Laboratory for Architecture and Urbanism (LAb[au]) created the 145 meter high RGB-LED bar display.

"Instead of considering this infrastructure as a flat screen (surface) displaying pre-rendered video loops, the project is working on the architectural characteristics of the tower and its urban context. The characteristics of the building; orientation, volume, scale... are used as parameters to set up a spatial, temporal and luminous concept, which moreover allows people to directly interact with the tower. On Place Rogier, at the bottom of the tower, a station is mounted where people can interact either individually or collectively with the visual and luminous display (= the tower) through a multi touch screen. "

You can currently view the project live via streaming video until January 15.

via: information aesthetics

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Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off

200428520-002.jpgTech gadgets are seen as the best way to tell lies, according to a survey published last week. At least 4 out of 5 people surveyed admitted to lying once a day and admitted that the use of mobile phones, text messages, and emails were helpful vehicles for it.

"The research by UK pollsters 72 Point found that "techno-treachery" was widespread with nearly 75 percent of people saying gadgets like Blackberrys made it easier to fib. Just over half of respondents said using gadgets made them feel less guilty when telling a lie than doing it face to face, the study on behalf of financial services group Friends Provident found."

It comes as no surprise, then, that the preferred place to fib is at work, where other surveys have shown that it's also the preferred place for secret affairs. While the survey may be hiding the larger lies, it did find that "while people were dishonest, most told lies with the best intentions and to spare others' feelings." No, honey, you didn't pack on any pounds over the holidays.

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Guerilla projections - art or just fucking around?

miamiproj.jpgRunning amuck, guerilla projections lurked over buildings in Miami. Equipped with custom action script, animation, and a projector, Ivan Martinez, a graphic designer for MTV Latin America, painted the town red with fear.

"This custom animation and action script allows me to frantically run through the streets typing out my fears for all to know in real time. If needed my character could stop running to converse with someone on the street, but when fear strikes, its off and running again."

Photo reads "WOW! How much did this cost? Looks nice, can me and a couple hundred of my homeless friends live in it?" This video captures the midnight run (7 minutes, but I assume you have the stamina).

Wooster claims, "He continued to do them until one night he and his friends were pulled over by the Miami police with their guns pointed inches from their head through the driver and passenger side windows. After two hours of being called anarchists and that what they were doing was "not art" and just "fucking around" he decided to stop doing the projections to work on other projects."

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Order a tall glass of Salma

1166011296_50133_camparicalendar_006_june_122_330lo.jpgSpreading her sultry, sensual ways across film, Salma Hayek poses for the latest Campari campaign, Hotel Campari. Being the main attraction for their 2007 calendar, one can never be sure which brand is truly getting more exposure. Salma steps up the competition with two of her own. The concept for the campaign is derived from mysertiously sexy boutique hotels. Complete with peeping rooms and Do Not Disturb signs, temptation runs high.

"Hotel Campari – doors ajar, an atmosphere full of whispers, exchanged glances, an ethereal place in which dream and reality meet. Salma Hayek, dark eyes, crimson lips and a slow and haughty pace brings Campari Red Passion alive."

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January 1, 2007

Help with the holiday hangover

829221-001.jpgFeeling the pain of poor judgment from the evening past? The Replenishing Hangover Recovery System may not help with the chump you kissed last night that somehow managed to already leave you 6 voicemails by morning, but it will at least help with those problemsome skin issues. Not sure if it cures whisker-burn, but Borba claims to shed off the after effects from a night of indulgence.

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