With animated bar graphs and pie charts and electronic music, the Future of Online Advertising kicked off Thursday morning. This year was the first FOOA of perhaps more to come. Typically, the first presenter gives an overarching speech about the concepts that are important to the conference, setting the mood for the attentive audience. Alas, this was not the case, as the first presenter, Greg Stuart, formerly of IAB, started off by taking a look at the past.

Filled with clip art, the presentation focused on why 47 percent of online advertising failed, adding up to $112 billion in excess. Stuart suggested an advertising slogan for the industry as a whole: "Half of the money is wasted." Though the slogan may not have enough of a ring to it to slip into a jingle, one may question Stuart's definition of waste. By some standards, defining what advertising is a "waste" can be quite relative. Stuart called for action in the industry by taking responsibility for what is put out and by always asking the question of "what if you're wrong?".

Stuart may be correct in finding that 47 percent of advertising fails, but is there more harm done by injecting fear of being wrong as opposed to just doing it? Stuart stated that he didn't want to take away creativity, but simply wanted to make sure advertising "works". From the presentation, it seems that the veterans of our industry may be more comfortable in playing it safe than pushing the envelope. There is always something to be said for taking a risk and "fucking up" big time, whereas staying safe may be more damaging. If anything is certain, there is no future in fear.

Photos from FOOA and the trip to New York can be viewed here.

Quite aware that posting has been on the light side as of late, I'll be traveling to New York this week to attend the first Future of Online Advertising conference. The schedule is sure to be hectic, as my last attendance was back in November for ad:tech New York. New conferences can always be hit or miss, but it's always the people you meet that matter. The line-up for June 7-8 includes panelists from Blog Ads, Feedburner, Wired, Google, Microsoft, Digg, blip.tv, and the infamous PayPerPost.

As always, drop me a line if you'll be in the vicinity or have any recommended sights for June 7-10.

A recent campaign went mobile for mammaries by utilizing text messaging as a call to action. The lingerie company, Bravissimo, is known for intimates for "big boobed women". Reciting the alphabet from D to double-J, TV spots with unique text messaging IDs had the most response. Apparently, 45% of total responses to the big boobed campaign came from text. The article fails to mention how much of the 45% were confused males expecting late night tits-n-texting action.

Similar to the recent Elave "we have nothing to hide" campaign, a new campaign of the political nature takes a bold turn to getting your attention. Supposedly, a Belgian NEE party senate candidate, Tania Derveaux, wanted to make job opportunity promises she could keep, unlike her opponents. Posing nude with bold copywriting that we can only hope wasn't posted near any major traffic intersections, Tania promised to "give you 40,000 blowjobs". Tania proved her smarts in time management as well, calculating that it would take 500 days at 80 BJs a day to complete the task. Adrants reports, "the goal is to detract enough votes from legitimate candidates, assigning them to empty parliament seats which takes money and power away from parties and turns the power to the people who can sanction other politicians."

Taking note of a commenter's tip, it appears this might in fact be a promotion for a movie directed by Tania, called IP (more info at movieLOL.org). The commenter also signed up to be one of the lucky 40,000 and received a video note back, not from Tania, but from her innocent-looking, cute Asian girl "assistant". The slightly NSFW video involves the assistant giving "air head" for six minutes in tongue-slurping detail, with an occasional political reference here or there. By the end of it, I completely forgot what I was working on... oh right, a blog post about... advertising?

The Wall Street Journal did an article about the group I work in at VML, highlighting our clients Sprint and Adidas. View the PDF of the article.

While most of us are still feeling withdrawals from Project Runway, the stars of the show are busy strutting around shows. The lovely Tim Gunn hosted a fashion show at Grand Central Station yesterday around noon. Similar to the grocery-garment challenge from season one of PR, the show was a promotion for Wish-Bone featuring "Summer Salad" fashions. Pictures are yet to be posted, but from the looks of the website, the carrot top hats and lettuce leaf skirts seem straight out of a Bugs Bunny scene.

Previously:
Ex-PR star Michael Knight teams up with Starbucks
PR winner Jay McCarroll teams up with McDonald's

A line of skin-care products bares all (and we mean all) to prove they have nothing to hide. Unlike the majority of advertising that only offers a peep show tease, these commercials for Elave (NSFW!) offer the full experience. Trimmed, shaved, hung, and even pregnant, the product is the last item keeping our attention. To view the commercial, click on the projector. Though quite the eye-catching campaign, advertising has a hard enough time keeping our attention span on the product without parading penises and pussies everywhere. Not too sure if this is an effective approach... Then again, what does it matter?

Bonus NSFW! video stills (sans pink censored starbursts)

[via]

Conde Nast, the global magazine publisher, kicked off a new campaign recently titled Point of Passion. The advertising features photos of an array of celebrities reading various Conde Nast publications, all with a somewhat forced expression of interest on their face. To lighten up their mood, Gawker had some cut-n-paste fun with copy. The photos included lines like "We'll never leave you for a hotter younger less pregnant subscriber" and "In space no one can hear you scream about our terrible layout". If only advertising was always this comforting.

[A weekly link post of skipped over (and slightly stale) sights and stories]

Wall hooks are hung. [Thanks, Greer!]

JetBlue employees look for suga mommas in leftover credit cards.

Goodby Silverstein & Partners create an interactive mural for the launch of Adobe CS3.

"The All-Sounds Catch Cubic Pillow is a sound-absorbing headrest that diverts all ambient sound directly to your ear, in case you're too lazy to undertake the strenuous effort of pushing the "Volume-up" arrow on the remote control."

Richard Branson pushes more puns with Flick Off, a campaign about conservation.

A new bra brings a whole new meaning to stuffing the ballot box. With hardcore "vote or die" campaigns, voting promotions have been needing something a bit more soft and feminine to the touch. Triumph, the lingerie brand known for previous projects like the bra that doubles as a shopping bag, has created a new bra contraption that doubles as a pseudo ballot box. It's reported that Triumph is trying to target women with the campaign, but the thought of cute Japanese girls with push-up voting bras scampering around probably triggers more sparks of the masculine kind.

Planning to place products in the hands of people, a new wave of vending machines may prove enticing for those short on pocket change. Vending company, Apex Corp., is in the process of creating vending machines that would give away free drinks (valued at $1 or less) in return for the user agreeing to watch a 30 second commercial spot first. Though the scheme may be genius in Apex's eyes, it seems to somewhat defeat the purpose of commercials. Typically, commercials are used as drivers to get the consumer to the point of purchase. What good does serving an ad to an already-thirsty vending machine customer do? At this point, vending machine food would be better off hiring the Berries and Cream guy to jump out after each purchase. At least then someone would be excited about the product.

Asking if it's a reaction to "brandaslism", PSFK posts a photo of the latest anti-advertising campaign. Stickers are apparently being spotted around New York with the phrase "Corporate Vandals Not Welcome" on top of outdoor advertising. Advertising is often the culprit for most forms of culture pollution, as we've seen in the past. New York has been laying down advertising laws as of late, but they might not be coming soon enough to the advertisement vigilante.

Love or hate Twitter, it is easy to see how it's a valuable resource for real-time brand monitoring. Thousands of users simultaneously (and quite candidly) expressing their good and bad interactions with brands, products, and services. Companies should consider it a virtual focus group of sorts... Only, instead of locking housewives in a room for an hour and feeding them cookies and $50, this is an actively engaged, un-prompted group of thousands.

Perhaps one of the most commonly mentioned categories of brands on Twitter are airlines. Often times you find yourself stuck in an airport with nothing but a phone as your connection to the world. Luckily, Twitter is always available to listen to you vent. This was the case with me about a month ago, when I experienced the most horrid treatment by United/US Airways and "live-twittered" my absolute disgust with them:

-I cant remember the last time i was on a flight that wasnt delayed. Not cool.
-Twitter is my only friend to vent to when im stuck in annoying airport lines.
-Brands should monitor twitter for real time feedback. Us airways would know how much i hate them now.
-I am seriously on the verge of crying. My flight was bumped again due to them accidentally not booking it correctly.
-Then I was yelled at by a United employee for saying it was booked last night even though I kept trying to reassure him I wasn't mad at him
-United and US Airways, go fuck yourselves, seriously... If you make your customer on the verge of crying when she's trying to calm YOU down
-United: "This was booked on a computer, are you familiar with the unreliability of computers?"
- Me: "I work with computers, and no, that's not a valid excuse" Airlines should not be allowed to make the same bullshit excuses as Kinko's.

Anyway, back to Delta. I applaud them for making this brave move (if it is in fact them - Twitter is also known for a ton of fake humor accounts). You can see how easy it is to vent about brands on Twitter, as I don't normally talk about myself on SWBU, but felt compelled to discuss this. It's good to know someone is listening and open to interacting in a medium that is known for constant airline complaints. Other brands should take notice - even if they're too hesitant to participate, they should utilize it as a free form of active listening.

Neatorama points to a collection of old advertising of the creepy nature. Like a passive-aggressive pervert, advertising gropes you with their politically incorrect piece to grab your attention. Nothing like an ad of a pig slicing itself up to make you feel like a... well, pig, for participating in 'the devil's work'. Some of the ads are more humorous, than horrific. Though, it will be interesting to see which campaigns make the creep list in the future. Subservient chicken and/or God of War goat, anyone?

IKEA shares their bed with you by sensing your position. Using an interactive projection of a sleeping man (or couple) on a mattress, he kindly rolls over when you approach to try it out yourself. Perhaps it's that Swedish charm, but some customers might claim they don't receive near the same courtesy at home. Sheet stealers and bed hogs may soon be one-upped and outed by holograms.

[via]

[A weekly link post of skipped over (and slightly stale) sights and stories]

"Study reveals that kids multitask" - as if it was any wonder what they were doing with their other hand...

Axe ditches advertising for straight up pr0n. Perhaps sex agencies will outdate ad agencies. Sounds like my kind of job.

Lolcats be warned - Cats That Look Like Hitler are in ur country, takin ur interweb freedom

"A woman is suing Best Buy, claiming a member of its Geek Squad tech support team left a cell phone in her bathroom to surreptitiously record video of her 13-year-old daughter taking a shower."

Robots have hearts, too.

Connecting distances at a push of a button, a new outdoor campaign aims to bring unfamiliar sounds to familiar sidewalks. Solo Mobile, a Canadian competitor to Virgin Mobile, placed a series of bus stop walkie talkie billboards in the public for sampling. The displays act as a real-time walkie talkies to other cities, connecting commuters across the country. Though talking to strangers is a common occurrence online, it'll be interesting to see the behaviors behind an offline conversational platform like this.

Levi's launched a new site for their Spring/Summer line with a striptease. Sexvertising seemingly blends together lately, as sites like these lack the cojones to stand out and erect. Awkwardly animated and a bit of lackluster lagging, the Levi's site attempts to walk through a new line of denim with smirking models who ever so slowly striptease in the most yawn-garnering fashion. The only thing impressive about the tiresome tease is a man who manages to kick off shoes without the slightest clumsy step. Shocker, the only thing advertising strips off is our stimulation.

Drawn out and documented, Opera has created the Ev-Wii-where Challenge that tasks Nintendo fans to take found-art-esque photos of the word Wii. With the obligatory cheesy contest name, it's no surprise that the challenge asks for the photos to be from public places, making sure to call you out as the advertising whore you are to passersby. The Ev-Wii-where Challenge is to celebrate the final Wii Opera browser, due to come out sometime in April.

"Everywhere you turn, there's a commercial or store display. Every magazine cover is plastered with Wii news. Every store is trying to get you to trade in for Wii games. Every website's got a Wii news story almost daily. Wii is more than a success, it is a cultural phenomenon. Wii is everywhere. Well... almost. Let's have a little fun with the general public!"

Is the contest Wiilly cute, or has the Wii worn out its consumer-generated welcome by now?

Kids love their mashups [ Nike: The Second Coming - via]

Experimenting with analog [ Roy Block - via ]

Tell kids to stick their heads in it [ Plastic Bag Chandelier - via ]

Sure you can take it, but can you dish it out? [ Dishmaker - via ]

[Sidenote: A guest blogger may be on the way for the remainder of this week, so stay tuned]

The Netherlands is certainly not a place to be wasted by staring at a computer screen. Where's the need for porn when the Red Light District is just steps away? Apparently needing to remind the populous of negativity for being a nerd, KitKat released this commercial. The ad features a life within a life within a life, based off of non other than the seductive, yet at times scary, Second Life. We can only cringe in expectation of a Forth Life joke.

Joost, the interactive software that allows for peer-to-peer TV content sharing via web makes its debut with a bit of awkward advertising. While most commercials strive for clarity, Joost apparently wants to woo their audience with charming confusion. Attempting to enamor their viewers with special effects and aspirational gospel, the commercial involves an old man double-dipping his fingers in jar filled with Joost's hopes and dreams. Here's hoping he washed his hands before contaminating them.

Challenged with the launch of a new book and a necessity to peak interests, the publishers at HarperCollins decided to market the book solely online. To no surprise, there was a limited budget. Originally the publisher had set out to market the book in newspapers and magazines, but the content proved to be a bit too precariously positioned for publishing. The novel, Average American Male by Chad Kultgen is about what men really think. This isn't the bubblegum version of "He's Just Not That Into You", as such, it required above-average American advertising. More than a million views and a third printing later, some may call the sexed up spots a success. View videos #1, #2, and #3.

Coolz0r commences another contest, calling for campaigns and links to generate the most comments and trackbacks. While it seemingly could be rigged (hmm, wonder why 15 commenters all use gmail...), the contest a couple weeks ago seemed to be a success. The prize last time was Dragon's Naturally Speaking software. This week, the marketing thoughts blog ups the ante with an ergonomically designed keyboard straight from CeBIT. The Wolf King Warrior Gaming Keypad defines itself as the ultimate gaming weapon, though, by the looks of it, it seems more likely to be the ultimate one-handed typing accessory. The Keypad states, "Perfect for PC Gamers looking for a portable game pad or just looking for more flexibility". Perhaps "just" looking for more flexibility, indeed. Coolz0r's link submission contest ends April 7, so CTRL+V those permalinks over.

Best contextual advertising ever.

Television today is no longer the elephant in the room. Similar to global warming, it has increasingly been gaining momentum and awareness as well as technological contribution. However, while content is king, the overall experience is moving in to claim checkmate. How we interact and interpret television currently is on a static plane of directional geography: surfing channels up, down, left, and right. Helping break the tangible and virtual norms, David Merkoski (Frog Design) narrated the audience through an up and coming product yet to hit the markets.

Appropriately titled Mondrian, the product set to go public next year, is a TV navigation and recommendation Zoomable User Interface (ZUI) that attempts to rethink TV user interaction. A few major differences with Mondrian is that a user no longer needs to be stuck within nested menus while navigating and it has an active anticipation engine that takes in the content, time, and environment you watch in to build a profile and recommendations. It goes without saying that Mondrian becomes an easy target for Big Brother contextual advertisers. While there have already been proposals for all-advertising channels within the ZUI grids, Merkoski remained unclear on any efforts to save the product from advertising overload.

Going more in depth with intuitive interaction, Merkoski gave an insightful overview of remote controls and interfaces. The up, down, left, right navigation is in touch with a geographical grid, while a ZUI typically tries to orient the user in a way similar to how a camera would. The up, down, left, right is not only for the living room screens, but also small screens like mobile phones as well. The original idea for this came from what some might think of as a hyper-interaction culture: gaming. Moving away from the standard, Merkoski used this to account for why people are so amazed with the Nintendo Wii and iPhone. Merkoski ended with a call to inter-action, "There won't be a choice if we don't design it."

Along with many spin-offs of the surely soon-to-be-if-not-already-hated Vista slogan. While Technorati is already trying to call dibs on dubaya-tee-eff moments, they're a little late on the acronym trending. Perhaps they should try quotes around it next time. Regardless, this lovely jewel came across the screen promoting Vista with none other than an Apple iBook (in 2G-iPod-eggshell-white for all the junkies). Engadget points out Apple's ability to run Vista and advertiser's inability to avoid shit-stock photography. Apparently the 'WOW' starts after you realize that iBook doesn't run Vista, somewhere between asking why your mouse only has one button and why there's no Mindsweeper.

High Maintenance Bitch is more than just your ex-girlfriend, though the concept alone may bring similarly annoyed emotions. A luxury pet store is under criticism for its prominent logo, featuring the word Bitch on "at least half" of the outdoor sign. The pooch boutique caters to what it advertises, offering paw nail polish and a sparkly mascara for dogs, dubbed "Whiskara". Hoping to be the Victoria's Secret of bitches everywhere, the store is receiving local complaints, mainly dealing with parents of sheltered children.

"It is going to be a hot issue again when we get to our Wallingford Kiddie Parade and Street Fair," she said. Stillman fears that the sign will ruin family photos of the summer parade."

The owners seem less worried, stating that to take it down is a violation of free speech. Speaking of free, the free publicity alone from the name makes any local battle worth the trouble. Here's hoping that there's a tangent store called Wet Shaved Pussy - what? it's for cat grooming, sheesh.

[via]

With so much up in the air these days, no one is quite sure where the future of air travel, and for that matter, security, will take us. Jet Star (an airline off of Qantas) advertises that the future looks bright. Bikini-wearing and ready, the Japanese are always ahead of us, this time in security-preparation. While it's been rumored for years now that security is going to get so hard that we'll all have to fly naked (or are they getting hard for the anticipation of us flying naked?), it has yet to happen. Worries subsided, Jet Star cares to cater, giving us propaganda-like designs of Japanese girls in bikinis. That's not all, though. Look at the creepy guy on the right - what lucky bastard gets a girl in a miniskirt and boots in addition to a bikini babe all in one glance!? This is obviously false advertising, or possibly 'evidence A'.

Kathy Sierra talks about how most companies are never in the mood, leaving you to finish yourself off in the shower. She references the secret to any good marriage is to not change, stating that passionate, sex-craving and caring person shouldn't become the bored, bothered, and overly-serious.

"I don't understand this in personal relationships, and I don't understand it in business-to-customer relationships. Shouldn't you treat the people you're in a relationship with better than you treat anyone else? Shouldn't you treat your existing customers better than the ones who've given you nothing?"

Kathy points to examples, including the amount of effort that is put into making great designs for brochures and the lack of care put into product manuals. While information design is certainly not the same as designing a poster, the gap does not need to be as big of a leap as it currently is. Companies need to come join us in the shower. It'll be a delightful surprise that both parties will be sure to appreciate, as we can offer to scrub off those old skin cells and shame.

Candy bar concepts.

[via]

It may not the latest on the runway, but it's the hot fashion item for summer. Made to coordinate with your natural bare skin, Axe's "wrap-around" towels are to be the envy of locker room chumps. While Coolz0r is uncertain of any man who would actually try to get the angling right, it's sure to end up as a fratboy present of sorts. Also, though it may be flattering to some body types, one has to think that if you've let a few beers go over the holidays that people are only going to assume you're with one equally wide-assed, chicken-legged ladyfriend. Does this towel make my ass look big? No, but it makes your dick look small.

Sneaux shoes, known for the few tv spots featuring Jackass's Steve-O, has created a new spot for their reel. Cutting through all the film-of-me-skateboarding crap that has existed for decades, the stop-motion spectacle is called "Human Skateboard" for obvious reasons. The video was directed by PES, a self-proclaimed "twisted film" site. This might not be what Microsoft was intending when they launched their "people ready" campaign last year, but it certainly makes for a better ad than they've yet to make.

DTACK doesn't beat around the bush, does however, beat around the brow and breasts. A recent campaign for the 'adhesive tape' (as opposed to non-adhesive tape?) takes leaps and bounds to play in the NSFW space as politely Photoshopped (and respectfully starburts-ed) out for you nervous types. The original comedy/tragedy nipples can be found here.

A recent study has mapped out the way in which our minds respond to advertising. Surprisingly, what you think you think, you don't. Confused? Give this a minute. An applied research company (FKF) and brain mapping center at UCLA set out to "measure the effect of many of the Super Bowl ads by using fMRI technology". In addition, they mapped out "general" advertising, such as team logos, etc. (Consumerist says, "And we all know how rational we are about loyalty to sports teams. Ahem, Chicago Cubs?"). Both of these visual stimulants reside in the same area of our brain.

Apparently, answers given in focus groups are not accurate to what people actually think and feel. While that fact may come as no surprise (focus groups are always a bit forced), the clincher is that we believe we make educated and rational everyday choices, but in actuality we don't. How does advertising fit into this equation? Advertisers pray on our actual illogical choices, but convince us that we're correct in believing we're making educated and rational ones.

Best Week Ever points to the recent Super Bowl ad for Snickers, calling it out on account of irresponsibly using a brand to support homophobia. The ad involves two mechanics sharing a Snickers by mouth due to dirty hands and accidentally lip-locking. As such, they instantly propose to do something "manly" and pull out their chest hair to make-up for the queerness. However, Snickers had also set up a site with "disgusted audience reactions" and alternate endings to the manly-endings, including drinking poison and beating each other up. Not surprisingly, especially with all the outcries of what's "appropriate" to show during the uber-testosterone-fondlefumble-fest, there are already complaints forming. Perhaps Snickers listened or was hacked, for as of now, the site simply redirects to the regular Snickers homepage.

In case you missed it on Make:, Agenda Inc., Engadget, Boing Boing, Pop Candy, Consumerist, or AdPulp, Aqua Teen Hunger Force (a highly recommended acquired taste of a cartoon) started a viral/guerilla campaign that truly climaxed yesterday. With 10 different locations over the past few weeks, the LED art of one of the characters flipping the bird required a bit of wiring around bridges and other structures. Bostonians, apparently having no sense of humor nor pop culture context, took it as a bomb threat however, and closed down major lines of traffic while they attempted to "detonate" the cartoon.

AdPulp claims that the agency behind the guerilla project, Interference Inc., are idiots - also pointing that their website has been pulled offline. Maybe so in their case, especially given the yellow-bellied-website-hiding, but overall I disagree. This has to be up there in one of the most successful viral campaigns around - perhaps on accident. Just think, if there was no bomb scare, would this be viral? If someone on the news didn't mention the Make: blog as a potential lead, would it have as much spread? During my time at VML, I've been involved in numerous pitches that specifically required a "budget for bail" due to what we were proposing. Even without budget, we've been given the go ahead for taking time off work in case of getting arrested. Hopefully Interference Inc. will grow some balls and realize that no matter how much negative publicity they get, they achieved viral success, which is a lot more than most others can claim.

Update:
AdRants commenters are going Chicken Little on this.

Update 2: You can now bid on a piece of advertising history

Update 3: The chumps (yes, to the disappointment of many, they're total chumps) hold a press conference - video on YouTube here

Getting a fax from Western civilization (and perhaps a blog post or two from AdRants), a man attempts to put the "sex sells" claim to work. Apparently only getting half the memo, a man tried to sell fruit by the gender. Labeling some fruits as female and others as male, the vendor charged more for the male variety than the female. When asked, the vendor pleaded the 5th on describing the differences between the gendered fruit, and officials soon after shut it down. Banana jokes aside, the man was a quick study in advertising, already using sex and false claims to his benefit.

As Playstation 3 gears up for its March 23 UK launch, others fill the anticipation with awkwardness. As if out of some emo-rave-circa-1997 rendition of Hairspray, the geeks over at Sony tapped into a PS3-inspired fashion show in East London. The spectacle is apparently expected to be individually blogged about by the 120 attendees. Joystiq compares this hipster clusterfuck to Sony's 'All I Want for Xmas is a PSP' fake-blog-fuck-up, based on the pretty-much-forced Word Of Mouth strategy. Just be glad that they owned up to it - like K-Fed working in fast food for a commercial, at least Sony isn't the only fake soul pictured in the set.

A spoonful of advertising makes the medicine go down for New Orleans tourism. Ready to disspell the rumors to those folks up north, the New Orleans tourism officials loosened up a little. The new campaign coincides with the upcoming Mardi Gras. Unfortunately, New Orleans isn't as loose as Las Vegas, so alas, there'll be no cute tittie puns. But "The only hard part about moving back" would still make for a great poster.

Apparently not in the market for "ultra sensitive for her pleasure" condoms, Durex appears on this ad for XXL condoms. While it could be streteched as a public annoucement for women so enamored by size that they forget to practice safe sex, it's probably safer for us to assume they were going for a different conclusion. The ad definitely gets its point across, as it's a hard one to swallow, no less, take in. While swallowing is always a nice gesture, couldn't help but spit this one back out for all of you to see.

Aside from your soul, Burger King wants to keep you as a lifelong buddy, right until the end. An ad by .start ironically captures the iconic unintentional "truth" in advertising by letting the Marlboro man have just one more, "for old time's sake". Surprisingly, this is one piece of creative The King did not touch. Otherwise, we might be forced to bring back the cowboy innuendos from last year, and everyone needs that as much as they need to cram another whopper down their throat. Perhaps chicken fries will make an appearance for the menthol campaign.

Otherwise intimidated by the massively hard sell that comes with playing with 'the big boys', Seattle coffee shops are grabbing the competition by the balls. Being pinned down as "sexpresso", local ladies are letting snooze buttons everywhere go untouched. From lacey lingerie and short skirts to hot pink hot pants, there's no reason not to get both of your addictions out of the way early. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, afterall. The barista babes seem to receive pleasure as well, seeing that their customers come with smiles and anticipation, and suddenly seem less bothered when it takes longer than usual to make their morning mocha.

"Customers pull their trucks up to the window, where Law greets each with an affectionate nickname, blows kisses, and vamps about as she steams milk for a mocha. "You want whipped cream?" she asks, a sly smile playing on her pierced lip. The next customer rolls up, and Law throws a long leg onto the window sill, like an indie-rock ballerina at the barre. "Do you like my leg warmers?" she asks. "Aren't they hot?"

Hot is not the half of it."

"Now should you take the shocked or the angry tone when reading this?"

The pervy yet lovable AdRants points to an antique in middle school humor. Sneaking away to their refrigerators, adolescents used to be more creative to satiate their desperation.

"Apparently way back in the 30's, the designer of the [Land O Lakes] packaging, Jess Betlach thought he'd have some fun by adding the visual hint or female aureola/nipple to the Indian woman's knees. The knees, you ask? Well, according the Where's My Jetpack, thousands of boys would cut the knees off, cut a whole where the Indian woman is holding the product and insert the image of the knees thus creating the illusion of an Indian woman holding her bare breasts."

Boys got knee-cap boobies and we only got Fabio? Ladies, we were chumped. Boys everywhere should be appreciative to now live in a time where MySpace provides all the creativity and 'imagination' for you.

We may currently be within the Web 2.0 landscape, but the advertising that frames it up is still reminiscent of a 1.0 era. Contextual advertising remains infamous for not receiving enough human touch. Consumer Generated Media, as adverters would like to define it, continues to assume that the 'consumer' wants to actively create propaganda for a brand when it's not an organic/natural occurence. MySpace, which has millions of active users and even more ads, has yet to utilize the potential of a user-chosen advertising system. Contextual and CGM advertising seem to be on the edge of easily becoming a 2.0 platform in which users are able to create their own context (as they already do), including the leaderboards and skyscrapers that frame it up.

Flip.com is taking the step forward and letting teen girls have control over its advertising:

"The intriguing aspect here is the control users will have over the ads and the form some ads will take. Girls will be able to decide which brands they see for the traditional ads. There’s also a kind of DIY product placement fitting in with the notion of “Flip books”; as the users create their books they’ll have access to items like Nordstrom-supplied images of models that aren’t visibly from the store unless clicked. Clean & Clear will provide logo-and-product-less word icons. Users will be able to write what they think about the products in their books. That user control and influence makes it attractive".

Obviously, many paying advertisers may be quick to object to the CGM 2.0 platform, but the more it becomes accepted, the more it may challenge advertising to a new understanding of Web 2.0. There is a large online audience of people who won't create a Chevy Tahoe ad, but also hate that the most annoying, flashy banners for mortgages get put on their MySpace pages. There's also advertisers who would pay much more for being placed in a social network that is actually relevant by choice, rather than by keywords. So, while Word Of Mouth remains the number one source behind the majority of purchase decisions, why not create advertising that truly begins to leverage it?

Shaved and squeaky clean, this ad was recently captured on a street in Paris. Though not trying to sell us the latest version of the precarious 'Down Under' Nads, the ad is reminiscent of the good ol' days in infomercials, overly dramaticizing nicks and cuts from shaving. It's a wonder any of us made it through becoming a woman without slicing our legs in half or waxing our skin off. It may be winter, and you may be single, but Valentine's Day soon approaches - shave for hope, ladies.

In a god-knows-why stunt, a man ponders, "I wonder what it would look like to see every ad in Times Square all on one page.” Equipped with a camera, too much spare time, and the remnants of a soul, David catalogged as many ads as he could point his lens at. With so many to pick from, you can easily choose which ones have pissed you off the most over the course of your daily commute or New Year's Eve let down spent at home. If only someone had told him he could get the same effect by just visiting the Million Dollar Homepage (or the sequel: Pixelotto).

Blackmail, a hostage, a little extorsion (apparently hackers don't have time to spell check extortion), some stealing of Diesel's website, and the latest campaign called Heidies is underway. With a bit of pleasurable trickery and handcuffs, the culprits are on a mission to become 'so f**king famous!'. Delving deeper into the covert operation, a live webcam shows the girls' latest victim alongside a poll of how to torture him. A live chat also reveals the desperate begging for more among viewers around the world. The Heidies are definitely delicious, but not so promiscuous, as they make sure you get what they're after, "No, we will not show our tits, been there, done that, didn't work". Here's to trying.

As if advertising didn't have enough problems as is, what with pop-ups, windshield flyers, fake blogs, and false claims - now we've got to worry about child support. As if dumped on the advertising industry's doorstep by a drunk, panty-less, trashy blonde, we've got to pick up where Britney left off by supporting K-Fed? Seriously.

The chump has claimed to give in to his fellow chumps (fans?) by making fun of himself in an ad scheduled to appear during the Super Bowl. The spot (watch out, total spoiler alert!) for Nationwide Insurance is set to feature K-Fed working in fast food.

"The Life Comes at You Fast concept was created to remind people that they need to think about preparing for the future. No one has personified Life Comes at You Fast in the media better than Kevin Federline. Our partnership with Kevin shows the world that he has a great sense of humor. He's poking fun at himself, and in the process gets to have the last word."

We really, truly wish. IF ONLY that could be the last word we ever hear from him.

Apparently budding fashion designers don't see anymore success than K-Fed. With now two ex-Project Runway stars teaming up with fast food havens, it's a wonder that they sell any clothes to their sponsor's customers. One would think fashion and fast food would be mutual enemies, but a gig is a gig. Michael Knight, the Season 3 contestant who blew it in the final round, recently teamed up with Starbucks to create "My Starbucks" customizable t-shirts. No telling if Starbucks will give out mandatory "My [Your Name Here]" shirts to ensure their marketing message of domination isn't dilluted.

Distraught over the recent smoking-ban, night clubs quickly needed to remedy the oral fixation among patrons. The "Oh well, so much for smoking..." ad grabs attention among other things, and it's not even for a deoderant bodyspray. Somehow doubtful that the women who bum cigarettes from you would give you the time of day, no less their tongue down your throat, but who said advertising should be truthful?

M&M's released a new campaign, allowing users to 'personalize' their M&M's more. Potentially on track with their My M&M's gimmick that allowed non-confrontational bosses to fire people the "corporate way" with personalized messages, this one is more light-hearted (before us CGM-ers fuck it up!). Planet M&M's takes a page out of the late great South Park character site, letting you create your own personified M&M character. So far, we've yet to see any screen grabs of some truly wrong creative applications of this tool, but hopefully some will surface soon.

Perhaps as an outcry over TiVo-loving fast-forward-nazis, advertising finds more ways to infiltrate moments in life you can't fast forward. Unlike that crap Adam Sandler movie, you have no remote and you might have to take it up the ass if you get cocky. Yes, that's right, as if the white gloves of airport security weren't threatening enough, advertisers plan to place ads in the security trays. If the deal is agreed upon, advertisers would pay to supply trays to airports - apparently being dicked over in plane food was low on the advertising-supplied totem pole. Perhaps the adverts will take a hint and contextualize to the environment. A few humble product suggestions: foot odor spray, push-ups without underwires, swallow-tested-powder-approved condoms, and I still think Ziploc would make a killing if they made kiosks outside the security checkpoint (they can thank me later).

At what point does context replace content? Google and MINI gear up their latest in interweb domination, this time taking it to the streets.

Google plans to roll out a series of internet-based billboards that act similar to AdSense, advertising available products in local stores. The system will have the capability of switching out advertising based on the products being in stock in real-time. While advertisers will be able to manage their accounts online like AdSense, one can only hope that the CPM rate won't be as similar.

MINI, however, is taking a different route. Relying less on context and more on you, the latest campaign titled Motorby asks users to supply not-too-personal information in exchange for a key fob that alerts billboards to your presence. The interactive billboards are then able to detect your presence and give you a personal message as you drive by. The pilot boards are currently up in NY, Chicago, SF, and Miami. As MINI states, "the billboards are talking" - and this time, not AT you.

Nintendo takes its chances on the streets of London with interactive "Wii-osks". The Wii-osks are said to be just a pixel in Nintendo's marketing canvas. Equipped with HDTV and a street team of white marshmellows, the sight draws a crowd eager to see air-bowling in action. While no Wii-mote gang violence was reported, Joystiq warns of Americans and their crafty ways:

"Any self-respecting American in a metropolitan city would have asked to demo the unit, taken the Wii-mote, cracked the marketing flack over the head and run off with the system. But alas, these are not Americans."

Taking the ruler to inexperienced guys' backsides across the nation, Old Spice unleashes its latest public service announcement. The campaign grabs attention by telling guys everywhere that it's just not okay to be "inexperienced" under anyone's watch. Old Spice needs all the attention they can get since Axe and others in the men's department have taken center stage with their so-horny-for-you ad chicks.

[via]

When advertising is at a premium, desperate and unique solutions arise. "Hacking" into art snobbery seems to be the latest trend for a couple partners in contemporary crime.

"I wanted to share a snapshot of a NY urban joke me and my wife just hacked last night. We're neighbors of MoMA and while they're setting up these new video projectons for the Doug Aitken show, we decided to promote the latest art institution advertising media buy...This projection was done just once in traditional guerrilla fashion and will not be running during the show."

A humble suggestion to optimize the "joke" to improve reach among true snobs? "You're video here".

Similar to Trump Ice, and equally as lame, Perez Hilton and Best Week Ever point to Lindsay Lohan's expected advertising debut. The little firecrotch apparently itching for attention promotes "When you can't quit ... Adequite." The new vodka, rumored to launch in, and out of Lindsay's mouth, tries to keep the speculation at a hush.

"Rehydrate. Rehabilitate. Intoxicate. Introducing Adequite, the world's first single-grain triple-distilled luxury vodka available in a discreet plastic container that resembles an innocent - yet stylish - water bottle. Specially developed by troubled alcohol enthusiast and occasional movie actress Lindsay Lohan, Adequite is the solution to the problem you're not ready to admit you have."

More ruthless than AdRants, pigeon shit takes on the culture-polluting advertising of NYC. In a no holds barred criticism, pigeons air out their dirty laundry - and bottoms - on a recent iteration of an ad campaign. The campaign for Caledonia, a development in NY, was also criticized by another blog ranter (who isn't these days?) for a recent change in demographics, pointing to the sudden change in "ad twats". While the pigeons can't be reached for comment, we can only wonder if pigeonshit will become a new inspiration for graffiti artists.

Arguing over who's clip measures larger this week are a series of internet "super stars". VH1's Web Junk TV calls for your votes to determine the 40 Greatest Internet Superstars. While some have an ass for a face (nsfw), and some are simply considered an ass-face, the candidates prove to make the running competitive. A few highlights: Lazy Sunday, Diet Coke and Mentos, Bank of America, Lonelygirl15, Look at me being serious, Tom, Numa Numa, OK GO, Tron Guy.

What about Dick in a Box? Box in a box? Smirnoff Raw Tea? Shave Everywhere? Leeroy Jenkins? That lame Rolling Rock video that everyone liked? (Yeah, calling you out.)

A New York Times article from last month points to tourists as the hottest ad space. The camera-toting tourists are said to take photos of recognizable ad-clusterfuck areas like Times Square, often sending the photos to people most-likely to view them. Apparenly having a slow news day, the NYT failed to see that outdoor advertising isn't unlike viral marketing. Sure, you enjoyed viewing your roommate photo-document the tushology of New York women, but it didn't make you want to buy a Cup o' Noodles.

[via]

It's always sad when our precious minutes go unrewarded. Typically it's when we get tricked into an advertisement or we get caught one-handed with a shortage of increasingly revealing photos. Apparently wanting to shoot two birds with one stone, a British version of Axe body spray created an advergame involving a minimally dressed woman that you "blow on" to blow off her clothes. Yes, literally blow on.

"Lynx Blow doesn't have much of a setup, just a full screen video of a scantily clad woman in a barren winter landscape and an entreaty to blow into a microphone or headset "to make me hot." Indeed, constant blowing thaws out the woman and eventually blows her top off, at which point she runs off and you can start all over again."

Add to that, that you never actually see her naked and it's somewhat boring for any savvy one-handed browsers. Usually the Brits are known for their up-to-par sexual humor in advertising, but this one certainly falls short.

Contagious magazine lists their most contagious items for 2006. With the year in review, categories included gadgets, design, gaming, mobile, and viral to name a few. Highlights include Second Life, Wii, Lonelygirl15, ZeFrank, Skype, Smirnoff Raw Tea Partay, adidas adicolor (seen the Jenna Jameson one?), and Banksy. With all the 2006 contagious celebs, what unworthy soul wasn't on the list? Zune.

Download the Most Contagious 2006 pdf here.

The devil is in the details. BMW uses subtle intimidation to advertise the better choice. Supposedly made in Spain, this advert has artistic license over mocking competitors. While a cute idea, you have to wonder if they're helping the competition more than hurting - or perhaps us Americans with our short attention spans are the only ones who wouldn't give an advert the time of day.

Jaffe pointed to a post by brandchannel.com that appears to be well thought-out and worth a read. Reading through it, it's apparent that the post is trying to maintain balance between the point-of-views of the blogger, the brand, and the people who work for the brand. This comes as a refreshing change of pace, as bloggers sometimes write-off companies who don't actively or very poorly engage in online conversation, refusing to even try and understand the company's side of the battle and assuming the worst (i.e. they're assholes who don't care about my emo rants about them). This tags back to a recent debate with Scoble's latest rant. Many brands do want to be active in the blogosphere, but there are numerous corporate obstacles in the way that can only be remedied with time and a lot of hand-holding from ad agencies or bloggers.

Lately, at ad:tech conferences, brands have seemed more-than-willing to dive into the whole "tech" world of RSS, wikis, and podcats. However, when the subject of blogging comes up, many seem intimidated, if not threatened, by the blogosphere. While fake blogs should continue to be slammed due simply to deception (and stupidity), all the negativity around free-stuff being given to bloggers should realize that despite it not being perfect yet, unless the brand specifically says you can't criticize them, that they are actively trying to reach out to you and value the blogosphere for what it is. Like the squirrel you hit on the way back from grandma's reaching out for life, give it a chance before running it over again to put it out of its misery.

Like when your Mom bought a DVD player and you knew the look-at-me parade was long gone, Head & Shoulders successfully made photobooths no longer hip. Gone are the days of scanning and posting poorly-developed film strips of you and your friends to every MySpace comment and blog you can get your click on. Advertising yet again pushes you over like bully in school. Only this time, instead of pulling your hair, he mocks it.

Spreading her sultry, sensual ways across film, Salma Hayek poses for the latest Campari campaign, Hotel Campari. Being the main attraction for their 2007 calendar, one can never be sure which brand is truly getting more exposure. Salma steps up the competition with two of her own. The concept for the campaign is derived from mysertiously sexy boutique hotels. Complete with peeping rooms and Do Not Disturb signs, temptation runs high.

"Hotel Campari – doors ajar, an atmosphere full of whispers, exchanged glances, an ethereal place in which dream and reality meet. Salma Hayek, dark eyes, crimson lips and a slow and haughty pace brings Campari Red Passion alive."

While age may bring wisdom, there are also things that only come with youth. Sony Pictures' up and coming movie The Messengers leverages ultrasonic sound to prove their point.

"The Messengers, a horror film about a teen protoganist who insists she hears voices that her parents cannot hear. The ultrasonic technology was originally developed in Europe to chase teens away from malls, and has been promoted before as an adult-proof ringtone inaudible to people over 25." -Three Minds @ Organic

The Messengers ultrasonic ringtones target teenagers who want to be able to receive phone calls and text messages undetected by their parents, or whoever is currently fucking their mom. High pitched, priced and highly annoying, the ringtones are currently available for $2.49, but you can preview them hear. While this may seem as an enticing marketing ploy, charging money for content that is simply used for movie ticket sales seems overly greedy to any age.

Prime and pervy real-estate for the uber-elite-geeks. (via: Fleshbot)

PCs continue to have penis-envy over the I'm A Mac ads. (Previously: Hi, I'm a Mac and I'm an Imitator)

Troublesome pests growing in your girlfriend? Try spray on condoms. Like Head On, only without the looping late night commercials.

For as much viral as there is out there on the not-so-vast interweb, it's easy to to become jaded and let the laughing-til-tears fade into snickering to snorting to lol-typing to an eventual "meh" with each YouTube link sent your way.

Following the happy trail of flawless viral, however, discreet Remington hits the runway and gives something for the ladies in the battle of body hair viral. Giving Philips' Shave Everywhere campaign a bit of one-ups-manship, Stefane Monzoen's collection puts out an array of eye candy. From the Precious Peacock to the Seductive Snake, Monzoen has erected a new series of trends that no one can quite place their finger on, despite their wishes. Women have a bit more creative freedom with their hoo-haw anyhow (someone tell Britney) so it was only a matter of time before pussy playtime. So, ladies, which folicular fashion are you sporting under that lace?

Pry yourself from YouTube and download the video here - (mov) or (wmv)

With fishnets, feathers, and a dash of pasties, Nike promoted their new store in Paris with a mixture of fashionable addrenaline and attitude. The store interior takes a tangent from its ad with bold yet sexy typographic details. The interior was designed by none other than the visual scientists at Why Not Associates. Having the pleasure of visiting their office a couple years ago in London, the team explained their background and true love of experimentation with both photography and typography. While the ad pictured was produced by DDB Paris, all the elements of the Nike Paris launch are in sync in expression.

Obviously in the age of DVR and overall lack of giving a damn, tv spots are pulling at straws for attention spans. While some are taking the flipbook APF approach, others are simply relying on the goodwill of our fast forward moderation. Mountain Dew MDX, an "energy infused soda", has launched a series of smug commercials during the late night slots that show video clips and then ask specific questions about what you just saw (assuming you gave a damn) followed up by the StaySharp URL. Visiting the site, MDX counts on consumers to lose. If you prove not to be "sharp", you're fed an advertisement.

Scott G pointed me to his article recently, calling a ban on hiring fellow advertising employees who are associated with what he deems to be "bad advertising":

"I also feel that those of us in the marketing, advertising and communication industries should refuse to hire anyone associated with these [see Pepto-Bismol, Charmin, etc.] campaigns. Creative, product management, research, media, and brand management personnel on these accounts should be shunned and forcibly nudged into another line of work more suitable to their lack of taste and talent."

Dare I ask, are you fucking kidding me? One of the few fundamental lessons I learned from a teacher was, if you're going to fuck up, fuck up loud and big time. Meaning, if you make a mistake, it is far better to proudly show it to the world than to cover it up or walk on eggshells so as to attempt to not make mistakes. This lesson also applies to blogging, as many of us risk parts of our careers simply by doing it. You will almost never be anyone in this business until someone has a backstory on you about "that one time you fucked up big".

I reject Scott's argument and substitute my own: don't hire people who haven't made mistakes or taken risks (even seemingly stupid ones like suggesting a Pepto-Bismol dance).

Imitation is said to be the sincerest form of flattery. VAIO sends mixed messages our way with this spoof of a Mac ad. Asking "who do you want to play with?", your choices are between a farting PC, a smug Mac, and a red-headed hipster-girl VAIO. Making the choice clear, you can e-pinch her butt and make her giggle.

Giggling hipsters aren't the only mixed messages VAIO sends our way, though. Promoting themselves as the "Non-pc PC" makes little to no sense. So, VAIO is the Non-personal computer, personal computer? It seems VAIO may have struck gold in stabbing the hipster/emo kids with the unintentional, indirect jab of "I'm different, just like everybody else". Perhaps just taking the concept out for a test drive, it only appears as a small Flash piece on Sony's C-Series VAIO laptop site.

Unlike the previous week's obviously fake-as-double-D banned commercials, this one appears to be a bit closer to the truth. Showing once on TV last Sunday, this French spot has now taken the deep dive into viral. For Manix condoms, the spread is shown as anything but "viral" as a tsunami of fucking, sex, and lovemaking causes the world to explode, like a, a... an overkill of innuendos. Coming in three variations that make you remember why you avoid ordering "Thai Hot" at noodle shops, Manix offers "Intense", "Hot" and "Xtra", with an additional vibrating ring for the adventurous types.

Mocking singles with the aggrevating "Need new partners?" line, New Partners dating agency offers their services. This campaign makes the point in always making time for "playtime". Modeling dolls and yes, barnyard animals, into self-satisfaction positions, Ken at least seems happy about not getting oinked. Barbie, unfortunately endearing awkward silences after occasional "where's the bacon?" lines.

Rolling Rock tells us to grab the low hanging fuit by the proverbial horns and play to the lowest common denominator. Initial commenters on AdRants seem to be raving over the latest YouTube craze involving an ape flying into a pool party and dancing with bikini babes while handing out beer.

Aside from the legal stupidity I mentioned about the lack of age verification for advertising alcohol, this video seems too easy. Seriously, it's not that hard to brainstorm "super awesome cool viral video" ideas for an alcoholic beverage. There were no risks taken. And while, mission accomplished, Rolling Rock played to the masses with an integrated TV and online campaign, the "viral video" didn't even get the beginning snorts of a laugh from others.

So, should viral be an EasyMac recipe to clickthrough success similar to TV, or should risks be attempted? What are your thoughts?

As the buzz fog dissipates from the launch of the Wii and the PS3, we're left with storytelling from our collective Thanksgivings.

Just getting back from lunch with one of the application developers on my team, we shared our perspectives of the buzz fog. The Wii and PS3 launches seem to invoke a familiar story of The Tortoise and the Hare. While the PS3 garnered a huge spike in buzz with people being trampled and shot just to get their hands on it, their buzz could almost be seens as what killed off a potentially larger demand in the larger audience. PS3 spent so much time and effort to become the foaming on the mouths of gamers, that they also created an elitism that isolated themselves. From the general perspective, Sony spent their efforts promoting the cool games you could play, rather than showing user interaction with the product itself.

Alternatively, the Wii Launched two days after the PS3. Originally, many questioned why, as the buzz cloud was so large around the PS3 that the Wii would surely be swallowed up in the midst of the chaos. Now, post-Thanksgiving, it's clear that the Wii has garnered more offline Word-Of-Mouth than jokes about trytophan. Why? Nintendo made the smart choice in promoting "why they're different", as opposed to PS3's "why they're better". From the commercials, to the stories, the simple, somewhat dorky DDR-style of interaction made the Wii friendly to gamers and first-time-gamers alike. There was no buzz about getting trampled, only buzz about people breaking their TVs by playing with the Wii so much. The developer on my team was sharing stories of his grandparents playing boxing games over the weekend, and how his girlfriend broke two glasses and part of a table from getting so into it.

While the Wii almost appears as something straight out of the 80's in silliness, it has successfully made itself accessible by all audiences. While people are no longer asking about if they saw people getting trampled on the news for the PS3, they are, however, sharing their own personal stories about the Wii. To back up the Word-Of-Mouth and advertising techniques, the Wii out-sold the PS3 on the first day and continues to by a significant amount.

Previously filed in with the various whoring yourself out on the internet to achieve some small amount of success posts, Leah Culver became one of the few that you need not ask, "What ever happened with that?". Miss Princess had grown tiresome with her old laptop and was in need of a new MacBook Pro. As with many of us who are desperate, Leah turned to advertising.

Mike wonders "to what extent the influence and privilege afforded by the hottie elite could be exploited. Free drinks? Getting out of speeding tickets? Sure we like to think that sex sells and honk our little clown horns, but the truth of the matter is that Leah Culver is operating in dimensions we can't even begin to imagine. First, obviously, she's a kick in the ding-ding smokin' hot. Second, she managed to get a free MacBook Pro by selling laser-etched ads on the cover. Third, she sold ads on a fucking MacBook cover!"

(Thanks, Mike!)

Don't let Timmy play kickball without it.

'Tis the season to be gorgeous. While perusing the fern trees or precariously stuffing the Christmas turkey, add a dash of fabulousness to your excursion. Boots, a UK-based shop similar to Walgreens in the States, presents a series of women taking time between the hustle and bustle of the holidays to pleasure themselves. With a flash of leg and vintage pin-up sexiness, who can resist a gorgeous woman to warm you up in time for the holidays?

via: The Hidden Persuader

Similar to Virtual Bartender, minus interactive robustness, STA Body Shots invites you to follow the not-so-happy trail to stupidity.

Apparently confident that they understand their audience, STA Travel, a student travel agency, launched a site where you "pick a body" and then "pick a shot", to then watch the first-person camera perspective take the shot while self-obsessed girls either bitch over getting any on their swimsuit or talk about how attractive they find themselves.

Visiting the official website, STA promotes themselves as "helping students & young people experience the world." Additionally, "STA Travel will change the way people think about travel and in doing so will make a positive contribution to the lives of millions." Apparently positive contribution is defined by licking up whipped cream off a belly, resulting in a higher education of learning how you got home that night and why you may need to see a doctor about that "itch".

While the bottom of the site reminds you to "sip, drink, slam, and shoot your alcohol responsibly", the site does not ask for any kind of age verification. Similarly, I wouldn't be surprised if someone is considering this "viral" because it has a send-to-a-friend ala "Send Shot" option.

Interactive advertising often is made in consideration of the user, while guerilla advertising usually takes into account the location. Max Factor takes a different approach, allowing weather to direct the power of advertising.

Sensitive to rain, this advert turns emo with streaks of running mascara. Leo Burnett is responsible for the public display of make-up meltdowns. Perhaps this could be the beginning of a series... In San Francisco, a billboard could have a line of lipstick spread beyond the lips everytime there's an earthquake.

A bit of ass kicking with cleats, Umbro proves its boots can stand up to the test of S&M.

Violent femmes take on toned back-sides, for the "It Hurts" campaign. While any excuse to "innocently" glance at tight leather wrap-arounds is welcome, the photography speaks louder to the act than the shoe. Perhaps Umbro was hoping to garner up the same amount of anticipation for their shoes as some may have before a little S&M play time.

Precarious positions promote homegrown pleasure.

Offering self-pleasure techniques for those wanting the thrill of wet tshirt contests from the comfort of their own home, Old Khaki provides an array of visual demonstrations. Agency FoxP2's campaign shows the sexier side of South Africa. Claiming to be an advertising agency that creates mind-blowing symbolic objects that mostly have practical functions, FoxP2's other notable clients include the ever-so symbolic Wonderbra. Suggestion to replace 'practical' with 'recreational' is currently under debate.

Like Wash Away Sins Bubblebath, the November rain of New York washed away all the debauchery and chaos from the nights and days before. Sitting, absorbing the awkwardness of New York's LaGuardia Airport, I filtered through the remaining morsels that hadn't been covered off on yet.

Alan Kelly's "Elements of Influence" workshop closed out the end of Tuesday's sessions. Creating his own buzz words by substituting the phrase "playmaking" for strategy, Kelly launched into his science-saturated PowerPoint presentation. Kelly mentioned that he was a son of a cell biologist, and as the presentation continued, it shined through. Kelly spent 5 years writing his book with a heavy social science foundation.

To Kelly, strategies, or "playmaking" seem to be explanations of expired forces. Rather than presenting the steps of strategy, Kelly provided a retro-glance at various successful campaigns. Cataloging political ads to Gap commercials, Kelly explained the strategies behind each from an almost Freudian perspective - explaining their expressive needs. Kelly was a little absorbed into using his own language which may have made the audience grasp harder for the main point. Drawing a tangent from Kelly, my own perspective was that context was truly king when it came to strategies past and present. Overall, it was interesting to look back at prior generation's advertising.

Tuesday evening proved to be a precursor to the rain, already showing signs of energy depletion. Giving up on squeezing in as many parties as possible, and saying no thanks to an event at Scores (which I've been told is a strip joint up here), Steve Hall and I played it low key. On Wednesday, I ventured outside of the advertising bubble to MTV Networks, where I had a quick tour of MTV's interactive and news departments. Sneaking a quick glance at Kurt Loder and John Norris and a beautiful view of New York, I hurried off to the airport to discover my flight was delayed by 4 hours. Originally not wanting to leave ad:tech and New York, I now can't wait to get home as I work away the delayed hours.

More from my coverage at ad:tech New York:

One of Tuesday's many sessions opened with a speckled attendance, as the previous day's energy and excitement took its toll. With just two scheduled panelists, the "Breakthrough Technology: Designing The Future" session played to the after-lunch crowd. Dave Evans from Digital Voodoo gave an anecdotal introduction. Evans explained that this session was about getting lost and finding your way back. Not quite making the nebulous connection between the anecdote and session title, the attendees seemed did their best to understand.

Taking the stage next was Barbara Fittipaldi from the Center for New Futures. With many philosophical statements and aural overlays of the adjacent room's speaker, some of the crowd began to phase out while others continued to listen. Fittipaldi positioned a breakthrough as something that seems difficult, if not impossible, to reach. One of the attendees asked if the session defined a breakthrough as just another word for a goal. Fittipaldi explained that a major part of a "breakthrough" was making the possible, doable, while not being predictible.

Fittipaldi then asked the crowd to couple up and share "breakthroughs" they wanted to accomplish in their work. I chatted with the attendee next to me about his thoughts coming into this session. We both shared an awkward glance and agreed that we both were actually quite content with our work and that there wasn't much we didn't think we couldn't accomplish. He shared with me he was under the impression the session was supposed to be about emerging technologies rather than self help techniques. I agreed and we both scratched our heads wondering exactly how this was supposed to help online marketers. Despite that, the session did drive home the point learning from one's mistakes can help one achieve their goals. While the title was a little misleading, some of the audience did appear to benefit from being able to share their frustrations with close strangers.

Tuesday's "The Intricacies of a Great Viral or Word-of-Mouth Marketing Program" session provided an array of case studies from the client's perspective. The panel consisted of various speakers who provided insight to how a client views a viral or word-of-mouth campaign. With a bit of plugging for WOMMA out of the way, the session began to take form.

Perhaps one of the more well-known viral campaigns presented was that of the Philips Shave Everywhere site that launched to an audience of 1.7+ million viewers to date. Zdenek Kratky, a Brand Manager for Philips Norelco, explained that the project was put in a position where they needed to rely on WOM because of a low budget. They spent one year researching and developing this campaign. Despite listing sales goals in the project's objective, Philips decided to leverage organic word-of-mouth to influence their target audience. Once Kratky presented the site for the session attendees, it was easy to hear why this campaign was a success through the waves of giggles in the room.

Next up was Jason Woodmansee, a VP at Digitaria, who started off by stating "I'm going to talk about a different kind of balls... golf balls." Woodmansee faced a different challenge: How do you enter the market place with a dominent player? He proposed that you do the opposite. By getting the product into influencers' hands and creating brand ambassadors, you're able to build off of that established foundation for a more traditional marketing campaign. The idea of using viral and WOM as a flagship for a marketing campaign has actually been a common one throughout the many sessions at ad:tech this year.

Finally, Gary Spangler from DuPont stated that every brand and company can do viral and WOM. A bit skeptical to that opening statement, I listened more. Spangler is in the manufacturing industry, an industry that is typically under-represented when it comes to brand presence. Throughout his presentation, Spangler seemed a bit untrusting of agencies, stating that they can easily ruin brands if the client doesn't go to them with a game plan and keep them on a leash in so many words. I found it quite interesting that he was open about his skepticism of most agencies while at the same time speaking at an advertising conference. While Spangler laid out the basic framework for WOM, he didn't dive into the "how" or the execution. In fact, there seemed to be a significant link missing in all of the cases studies, as they jumped from the problem to results.

I asked, "Do you feel that you're "stretching it" as a client to tie sales objectives to a viral campaign?" While all of the panelists stated that they didn't let sales objectives drive a viral campaign, I found it quite interesting that when it came time to present results, that they were all in dollar signs. Overall, the impression gained was that brands are treating viral marketing as a pilot still. In these early stages, the panel as well as other brands out there present results in sales. This unit of measure is not dynamic or in depth for results of engagement. While many brands are talking a lot about true engagement and intricacy of viral and WOM, their results and standard measurements do not reflect it. In essence, brands are still skimming the surface of interactive richness possibilities.

As advertising execs and booth babes alike gingerly walked into the mid-morning sessions today, I couldn't help but try to put the noise of yesterday together. Between the blur of wristbands, hand stamps, martinis, lectures, freebies, and softball questions, Monday was a pinnacle for seeing our industry and its best and worst.

The Monday morning keynote, like some of the lunch food, left a tiny bit to be desired. As Steve pointed out in so many words, some industry luminaries can talk a lot while not saying much of substantial value. With many wide-eyed, hopeful attendees, any panelist that sets out to take a risk by giving specific advice to their audience is a true leader for our industry. Thankfully, most of the panelists and speakers are very intelligent and more than willing to lead by the example if their shared wisdom. A leader is not someone who simply lets people follow - a leader needs to inspire and value and interact with their audience - no less, be willing to learn FROM their audience as well as teach.

Moving into the starry night, clouded by bright lights and martinis, on member of my entourage had a day planner full of ad:tech parties to attend. Obviously needing much energy and courage for the long night ahead, our necessities for comfort lead us to create a rating system of each party. Based off of the 4 things everyone was looking for that evening (well, okay, the more innocent of us), we gave ratings for food, drinks, ambience, and overall cool and unusual things.

Ending the night at the saturated Crobar event, I couldn't help but wonder if our industry during the day mimicks our industry at night. We often chat about if advertising is culture-polluting. While watching some of the geekiest dance moves (keeping in mind my previous life in rave culture) I have ever witnessed, I started to see that our industry's occasional culture pollution might spread beyond the work day.

Go away! Oh, not you, just all the people and things that are keeping me from trying to obtain 5 hours of sleep for the last week. Anyway, photos are up and the site is down! Well, okay, not down, but it's obviously in shambles for the moment (especially those of you who insist on still using Internet Explorer - why!?). Obviously a background in design doesn't mean you can solve all problems... cough, like coding for a blog.

Photos from Monday night's ad:tech afterhour debauchery are being put up as we speak. Hang tight and check back for Monday's Afterthoughts and Afterhours and more session recaps.

After some much needed coffee and the delegate lunch that left a bit to be desired, I meandered my way through the sea of logos, flyers, and marketers to the "Why You Should Create a Corporate Social Media Platform - Incorporating Community, Blogs, Podcasts and WIKIs into Your Customer Interaction" session. Admittedly a bit skeptical about the term corporate, the session provided insight to how brands are viewing social strategy, for better or worse.

Stressing the 3 P's - Participate, Provide, Portable - the panelists offered up their song and dance of case studies. While many of the case studies presented the usual blogs, widgets, and RSS feeds, a few proved that the brands were willing to go the extra mile. Betsey Weber, from TechSmith Corporation stressed the importance of net-meets in order to allow their online strategy to radiate offline engagement as well.

Scott Wilder, an Group Manager at Intuit, a fellow VML client, spoke to the importance of product developers being the public-facing team on discussion boards. In a time where some brands are wanting to jump on the social band wagon, they often begin with a front of marketers and PR people, which more often than not creates friction in online communities. By engaging a brand's product development team in online communities, insight and change become expedited and consumers know that their words are not just heard - they're actionable.

Another major discussion in the session room circled around audience, outside of the mediums. Do brands approach specific mediums because they know there's an existing audience, or because it's right for their audience? The panel gave the impression that brands are still frightened by blogs. While social strategy is progressing at a rapid speed, brands are just dipping their feet into portable content, and other "safe havens" in the blogosphere.

I couldn't help but ask the panel, "Do you think these social strategies are engaging people who aren't already actively seeking out your brand? Or is it just for the superfans?" Wilder and Martin Green, a VP at CNet, explained that brands are starting with their core audience and planning to reach beyond just the superfans. While it's important to be comfortable in the social space as a brand, it seems that many need to go beyond and gain comfort in the quickly and constantly changing social ecosystem.

While both seem to be a work-in-progress so far, ad:tech New York launches today with a predicted 10,800 attendees. Running around frantically, I will be keeping a photo blog of up-to-date geeky craziness at Flickr, so keep checking back for occasional cleavage and cheesy booths.

Please, if you're reading this, go ahead and update your bookmarks to ShakeWellBeforeUse.com, as the Blogger site will soon be fading into the horizon. Also, to subscribe to the new site, the feed can be found here.

More to come soon!

Since my last travels to New York, a few things have changed. For one, I've started Shake Well Before Use since then, which will hopefully be undergoing a lot of maintenance this week as I attempt to move from Blogger to Movable Type, including a URL move (do you feel my pain?). So, if posting becomes spotty, just wait it out like a menstrual period.

Another is that I attended my first ad:tech conference in Chicago, and now am going to be amongst the many at the New York conference next week. As always, feel free to drop me a line if you're in the area.

Competition for business runs high in New York. So, while many businesses flock to guerilla tactics or media buys, some are still desperate for unique attention on a not-so-unique budget.

At first this appeared to be some kind of artsy-street-vandalism-statement, but no. Equipped with a Kinko's and a pair of scissors, this Italian joint became an in-house ad agency in minutes.

"Looking at these pictures, one cannot help but wonder why more businesses don't advertise themselves like this, like, "The Biggest Laugh You'll Have West of Auschwitz!", because nothing says "happy" like "the tragic death of thousands of New Yorkers"."

While the use of graffiti in advertising usually backfires, this campaign aims at a less exploitive approach.

Unlike Iran, Avon commercializes cover ups. Avon's 2005 Defend Yourself! campaign for breast cancer prevention leverages outdoor media placements for unique designs. Credits out to Mark/BBDO.

If bloggers live and die by content, is a viral effect only a representation of desperation?

If blogs, notably advertising blogs (note: viral isn't viral if only advertising blogs pick it up), are turning their dials to viral and constantly seeking it out, does their authority only communicate a misleading perception of viral behavior rather than a reality?

A blog certainly has the influence to create a contagious reaction, but if viral is a perception, the reach dies with their immediate audience's attention span. Does it matter if viral is a perception and not a reality? Perhaps not, however, if mostly perception-based, this could explain the point of friction between ad agencies and clients. At the end of the day, someone is asking for impressions and not touchy-feely write-ups.


(Blogging from the airport because I'm so fucking cool...)

... if your product is prude.

Hoping to catch some of American Apparel's raunch-buzz, a Turkish clothing company attempts to cash in on dry humping.

Here's one for all the critics of sex in advertising: sex doesn't sell if your product isn't, in fact, sexy. Look at the models, the director couldn't even get them to 'play sex' in a convincing role in that crap junior's department clothing. Though, I guess that might fit the audience, as it's similar to asking two twelve-year-olds to act out their favorite scenes on Animal Planet.

(Thanks, Justin!)

Missing a phrase by a word or two in the name of high fashion, Harvey Nichols captivates an audience with their off-beat allure. The series explores both attraction and intimidation through concepts interlaced with sexual anticipation. Pop the top to some bug spray, that tingling sensation may warrant a swat.

via: AdRants

Despite the Sony's dramatic delays in launching PS3, they went ahead and launched a viral video campaign. The video, This Is Living, is a glance at the human element in gaming. Promoting real time and a system that actively learns from you, rather than programming, the PS3 is a "living, thinking, breathing opponent".

The 'evolution' of advertising takes one step back in order to move forward.

To the chagrin of media departments everywhere, DVR is consistently gaining momentum across their beloved Nielsen households. So far, the attempts to persuade users to view advertising commercials have been short-sighted, at best. Despite the buzz around KFC putting coupon codes in their commercials as incentive to maintain impression goals, they were still banking on the fact that one, anyone gives a damn about KFC, and two, anyone gives a damn about advertising. While there may be some who do, they weren't thinking outside the proverbial box. Mostly, they were trying to swim upstream the already established stream of user behavioral progression, rather than take it on as a new challenge.

Fortunately?, Colin Davies' "System for providing visible messages during pvr trick mode playback" leans a kind ear to advertising's cries. Advertising Per Frames (or APF, because I'm coining it and we all love our random buzz-word abbreviations to sound cool) involves embedding images in full frames that are shown when a user fast-forwards. While the advertising may lose some quality, it will gain impressions from the growing 'active' users of television.

Le Chef Chez Vous Chocolate - The Sex Replacer

Art direction and Illustration: Geísa Borrelli
Copywriter: Daniel Coelho

List of 20, super happy fun Japanese commercials. Though, as commenters point out, they're not all commercials... and, well, they're not all exactly Japanese. But don't let that stop you from soaking in some laugh tracks and dubayu-tee-eff moments. And of course, there's some pervy ones for all you one-handed typers and friends of AdRants.

via: BoingBoing

Have blogs lost their power? Scoble contemplates that he may already be a has-been. But have positive blog posts and free publicity become just walflowers, hiding in their permalink shadows?

Last week, I made a post about Domino's latest commercial featuring the Domo-kun-like Fudgems brownie square. My friends over at DHADM also made a post about the topic and received a rather odd message this evening in the comments, asking for a 'thank you' to be sent to the Marketing VP's personal email address. Not sure if this is Domino's (or their groupie, Missy's) new strategy for buzz kill marketing but as .alphamonkey. so eloquently said, "Um, why?". Perhaps I didn't receive my thank you request in my comments yet because Domino's didn't approve of how their commercial reminded me of everyone's favorite Domo-kun anti-masturbation propaganda poster.

WHUDAFUXUP with advertising? An advertising reporter in 2006 wondered if we should ban advertising. Because, according to her, addictive eye-catching boards are also illegal. The article compared the addictiveness of advertising to that of M&M's and cigarettes.

In an attempt to build some street cred sympathy with the Wooster Collective, advertising has now, too, become an "ephemeral art". New York has started a crackdown on what has become a $25-million-a-year illegal-ad industry. Despite costing $50k a month, illegal sites are sought after by creatives with a taste for the finer things in life for their campaign monikers.

Read more: Banned in the Big Apple (Thanks, Nicole!)

Drunk girls and mullets, unite! Jeep offers an interactive karaoke - alas, instead of hearing peroxide-addicted women shriek out requests for "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy", you can watch this guy attempt "Oh, Mickey you're so fine, you're so fine, you blow my mind!" - which, I guess, is actually a decent trade-off.

Now, only if they offered "Forever Young" - I may be so tempted as to try my own. In the meantime, I might try and pressure Jaffe into making one since he is no stranger to his own renditions of podcast segment karaoke.

Perhaps it's just me, but Domino's latest commercial of a peculiarly named "fudgems" running through a field instantly reminded me of everyones favorite anti-masturbation propaganda poster of a Domo-kun.

The hip square also has a promo site complete with rave party dancing, fudgem-speak, and a national free brownie square day that (lucky for you, you have me as an insider for these kinds of things) is today.